Five WWE Superstars Who Can Star in 80s Movie Reboots

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Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman Star in THE KARATE KID

Note to reader:
These are 80s movies so we are pretending the 2010 remake with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan never existed. Just like saying Rocky V never happened, however, that was a remake, that was just terrible.

In the original The Karate Kid, Daniel (Ralph Macchio) moves to Southern California with his mother, but is soon bullied by a bunch of karate students from the Cobra Kai dojo. So where does ‘Danielson’ go? (No, not Bryan Danielson.) Daniel finds Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) who soon passes on all his karate knowledge and mind-over-matter philosophies in order to build his new student’s confidence and competence. Daniel then enters a karate tournament and gets hit with plenty of adversity including an injured leg ordered by the dojo’s teacher. Thankfully Miyagi was a better teacher. In the WWE version, things will go destructively differently.

When WWE gets a hold of this story, Daniel will be played by “The Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar. Maybe the movie can use special effects to make Brock’s body small like how Captain America did with a young Chris Evans. However, this movie will probably run for half the time because Brock will face much less resistance because he is Brock Lesnar. In fact, when Brock meets his teacher, Paul Heyman, all the coaching he receives is just Paul Heyman singing “Glory Glory Brock Lesnar.”

Brock does encounter the bullying of the Cobra Kai, only their dojo will be led by Joe Rogan. Brock enters the karate tournament, but dispatches of his opponents quicker than Patrick Swayze in the original Roadhouse. (That will also be the challenge of the Rousey remake: how do you make a she-hulk come off vulnerable?) However, Brock will have some adversity of his own.

Despite Brock taking each victim to Suplex City, Joe Rogan, in the semifinals, orders Kevin Owens to not ‘sweep the leg,’ but ‘sweep the intestines’ as a nod to Brock’s diverticulitis. Lana also pops up as Elisabeth Shue’s love interest character, and when Brock reaches the finals Johnny is played by heel Dolph Ziggler and F-5’s him seven times.

This is only one plot option. Another can just be Brock suplexing every citizen of California one-by-one, because sometimes you just want a movie to be an extended squash match.

Next: The Three Amigos