WWE Raw: Results, Highlights, Analysis, and Grades for March 5

Photo Source: WWE.com

Follow along with our live WWE Raw review. Make sure to catch the first ever Symphony of Destruction Match between Braun Strowman and Elias!

Previously on WWE Raw, Kurt Angle blathered on like a lunatic. The Miz was pushed to the brink by Angle, Seth Rollins, and Finn Balor. Brock Lesnar no-showed, and Roman Reigns let him have it – verbally, at least.

This week, Raw hits Milwaukee, the first major American city to have elected three socialist mayors (thanks, Alice Cooper!). The match most relevant to my interests? Braun Strowman takes on Elias in a Symphony of Destruction match. Hoooooo, boy. I hope Dave Mustaine is in the building to give his seal of approval. No one knows what this match entails, but I have visions of local orchestras running in fear.

The more reasonable big match of the night is an Elimination Chamber rematch. Asuka once again puts her undefeated streak on the line against Nia Jax. There’s no clear path to WrestleMania for Jax in this one like at EC, but perhaps a good showing here will convince the powers that be to give her something worthwhile.

The remainder of Raw is built on a few questions. Why didn’t Brock Lesnar confront Roman Reigns last week? Who will The Miz face at WrestleMania? And what’s next for Ronda Rousey as she looks to repay Stephanie McMahon and Triple H?

As WWE and the Monday night crew inches closer to WrestleMania, there’s a ton of stuff that could potentially go down. Cesaro and Sheamus claim to have beaten everyone – but there’s a few teams out there who can issue a challenge, right? And the “Ultimate Deletion” has been teased by both Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardty. Will the battlefield be prepared this week?

Related Story: WWE Bold Predictions: Roman Reigns Cheered Like a Conquering Hero

Please join us right here for our live WWE Raw review, starting at 8 p.m. ET.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Kurt Angle Didn’t Think This Through

In the words of Jim Ross, business picked up right out of the gate. GM Kurt Angle walks down to the ring to start the show, and before he can even break a sweat he’s throwing down challenges. Angle is peeved that he was sucker punched at the end of last week’s episode of Raw, and he calls out Triple H for VENGEANCE.

But as Kurt tosses his blazer off to the side, it’s not The Game who answers – it’s Stephanie McMahon, because Triple H “isn’t here.” And she’s in full condescending mode – bringing up Angle’s kids, his family, his divorce, his alimony payments – yeesh. And Angle knows he can’t do anything but sit there and take it, so he does.

However, he’s got an ally in the fight – Ronda Rousey. Now there’s someone that can do something about Stephanie. Rousey gets the usual Stephanie treatment – more condescension, which prompts Rousey to choose her opponent for WrestleMania. and what a surprise, it’s Stephanie McMahon.

Out comes Triple H, who’s magically arrived – and Angle calls him out on it. Instead of really responding, Triple H points out that Stephanie isn’t a member of the active Raw roster. But the GM has a SHOCKING revelation – Stephanie has two contracts with WWE. One is her standard executive contract, the other is as a WWE superstar. Gee, you’d think the COO of the company would know how his company operates.

And because Angle makes the matches, he says Rousey will get Stephanie at WrestleMania. But it won’t be a singles match – it’s a tag match, pitting Triple H and Stephanie against Rousey and Angle. Then all hell breaks loose, as Triple H tries to cheap shot Angle, Stephanie successfully attacked Rousey from behind, and the brawl was on.

When all was said and done, Stephanie was laid out with a vicious Samoan drop, and Triple H was left limping after the Ankle Lock. And maybe this whole Rousey thing is a good idea after all…

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Asuka vs. Nia Jax

Result: Asuka defeated Nia Jax via submission

Rating: 2.75 out of 5 stars

Notice what Michael Cole said as Asuka made her entrance? “Here’s a woman who has a date at WrestleMania to battle for the championship.” Not the Raw Women’s Championship. Just the championship. Hmmmmmmmmm………

As good as the match these two had at Elimination Chamber was, this one was almost a let down. Half the early part of the match was the background to an Alexa Bliss promo – with Mickie James standing awkwardly nearby. That’s a great way to treat your undefeated attraction and the “irresistible force.”

It had its moments, though. Some sloppiness aside, the inverted Razor’s Edge airplane spin was an impressive display of strength. And the powerbomb into the ring post during the commercial break was a bit wonky, but a good looking move.

What absolutely killed the match for me was the constant attention commentary brought to THE STREAK ENDING RIGHT HERE. Like, enough already. I swear, if Nia would have broken wind in Asuka’s general direction, Coach might have said, “Holy cow, I think that flatulence may flatten the streak!”

I’m also getting real sick and tired of these ridiculous lengthy submission holds that WWE seems hell-bent on pushing, especially in the women’s divisions. First it was Shayna Baszler locking Ember Moon up for over a minute at TakeOver: Philadelphia. Now it’s Asuka with a triangle into an armbar. I know “she doesn’t have it locked in fully!” sounds like a good excuse, but it’s really not. Guess what? Submissions hurt, even if they’re not locked in fully. Even if Jax is a monster, there’s no way she risks serious injury by not tapping out sooner – especially with no trip to WrestleMania on the line in this match.

And that’s the final thing that bothered me about this match – the finish tonight would have made so much more sense at Elimination Chamber. Jax wants in at WrestleMania – with that in her sights, she wouldn’t submit because she wants the Mania match so bad. Tonight? There’s no prize for her other than breaking the streak. That’s all well and good, but is it worth missing time on the injured list to do it?

Hopefully now, both Asuka and Jax can move ahead to Mania – without getting in each other’s way anymore.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

The Bar (Sheamus & Cesaro) vs. The Revival (Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder)

Result: The Bar defeated The Revival via pinfall

Rating: 2.75 out of 5 stars

Here’s another shining example of WWE logic: The Bar have defeated “every” team on Raw. The Revival said, “hey, Jack, you ain’t beat us yet” or something. So now if The Revival can beat The Bar in a non-title match, they’ll get a title match! Uuuuuuugh.

Why, oh why, can’t The Revival try and earn a title match by beating literally any other team? This lousy booking technique of “beat the champ to get a title match that you’re going to lose” is beyond overplayed. How many title opportunities did Titus Worldwide earn by beating the champs? At least two, by my count.

Think about it this way: If you’re a poker player trying to win money, you just win money when you win a hand. If there’s a WSOP Champ sitting at your table, you don’t have to beat him or her for free before taking money from them. It’s booking like this that makes champions – and championships – weak.

And the worst part of this whole thing? How awesome could a legit match between these two teams be? There are few teams on the planet with better chemistry than these two, the tandem offense each is capable of is beyond compare.

Surprisingly – but not really – The Bar emerges victorious. Good, I guess, since the champions should be winning these matches. But what was the point of this if not to get The Revival a title match? Are Cesaro and Sheamus just going to beat every other tag team on Raw along the Road to WrestleMania, leaving them no opponents and forcing them to enter the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal? And will The Revival ever get going like NXT fans know they can?

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Make Up Your Mind, John

Free agent John Cena struck out at every turn when he was competing on Raw. Up until last week, he hadn’t exactly been setting the world on fire when appearing for Team Blue. But now that he’s in the WWE Championship match at Fastlane, you’d think Big Match John would have stayed on Tuesday nights.

Nope. In a move that screams of “ticket sales for Fastlane are really slow,” Cena shows up on Raw to push Sunday’s pay per view. And wow, is John confident. He straight up says he’s going to make history at Fastlane by breaking Ric Flair’s record of 16 world title reigns. Then he challenges AJ Styles – who’s still champion, by the way – to utilize his rematch clause – again, Styles is still champ – for a triple threat match at WrestleMania.

Before anyone has a chance to process what Cena just said, out comes Goldust – which I’m sure everyone totally expected. A long, rambling, somewhat incoherent promo by Goldust left the crowd in stunned silence. Honestly, I had no idea what the hell Goldie was talking about.

It doesn’t matter though, because Goldust just walloped Cena with a big right hand as Raw went to commercial. The look on Cena’s face the whole time Goldust was talking was meme worthy, and the obviousness of a double cross didn’t take away from the fact that LOL GOLDUST CAME OUT TO INTERRUPT JOHN CENA IN 2018 AND IT MAY NOT BE THE WEIRDEST THING THAT HAPPENS IN WRESTLING THIS YEAR.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Goldust vs. John Cena

Result: John Cena defeated Goldust via pinfall

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

According to the Walk With Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time ever that Goldust and John Cena have had a match. And based on how the match unfolded, I think it will also be the last time they face each other. This was bad with a capital B.

Right up until the Five Moves of Doom, it almost looked like this was an unplanned match that was being called on the fly. It reminded me of matches on the independent circuit – not because of the moves being utilized, or the way the crowd was engaged. I’m talking the kind where a guy has two different matches for two different promotions, so he arrives to the second show just as his match is about to hit. Then he and his opponent just wing it in front of the audience.

Sometimes it works well, sometimes it doesn’t. But the flow of this one seemed a little off, and some of the sequences were just odd. John Cena going for a sleeperhold? What the heck?

But then, there were the Five Moves of Doom, and Cena wins cleanly. I mean, you didn’t think Goldie actually had a chance tonight, did you?

Swaying to the Symphony…

Elias wants to bail on the Symphony of Destruction match, which is the first time since his pre-El Vagabundo NXT days that I’ve hated him. I NEED THIS SYMPHONY OF DESTRUCTION MATCH, SAMSON.

Kurt Angle agrees with me, and I can’t wait to see Braun pick up a bassoon and use it like a toothpick.

Hillbilly Jim to WWE Hall of Fame

Look, I’m not going to argue that Hillbilly Jim shouldn’t be entering the Hall of Fame. But I will say it looks like Koko B. Ware and Hacksaw Jim Duggan aren’t necessarily the “worst” members of the institution.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Bayley vs. Mandy Rose (w/ Paige & Sonya Deville)

Result: Bayley defeated Mandy Rose via pinfall

Rating: 2.0 out of 5 stars

We were supposed to be getting Bayley’s side of the story, as it relates to her friendship with Sasha Banks (or lack thereof). But before Bayley can get to sentence two of her story, out comes Absolution. Paige hints that Bayley might be better off embracing the dark side – perhaps even joining Absolution.

Again, before anything can get going, Mandy Rose heads straight to the ring for a match with The Hugger. I find it funny that on a three hour broadcast, it can still feel like certain things are rushed like crazy. Nothing has a chance to breathe on Monday nights, even though there’s so much time to work with.

The match was perfectly fine – nothing to write home about either way. Mandy is definitely developing into a capable superstar. And despite shoddy character development, Bayley is still a bona fide star. But the real story has nothing to do with the bell to bell action – it’s about what’s next.

Absolution tries to utilize the numbers game to Rose’s advantage, but Bayley is able to see it coming and avoid the trap. A gator roll leads to a “surprise” Bayley victory – and an Absolution beatdown follows. Sasha Banks comes out to even the odds – despite being a really terrible friend, and despite Bayley walking out on her last week.

When Bayley realizes what happened, she’s not happy. Man, if I was getting beat down by a couple of other guys, I’d thank anyone who helped me. But I guess Bayley has integrity or something, so she also rejects a hug from Sasha. Whoa.

What the Hell is Going on With Alexa and Nia?

Seriously, what is this? Is Nia about to become the biggest babyface in WWE? On what possible planet is “Nia Jax, Super Strong But Super Sensitive” a good idea?

Let’s recap: Nia wants to be Women’s Champion. So to make that dream a reality, she befriends, uh, the Women’s Champion. And Nia and Alexa Bliss kind of run roughshod over the Women’s Division, kind of like Muggsy and Rocky from Looney Tunes.

Eventually, they drift apart, and Alexa replaces Nia with Mickie James – kinda. Nia tries to attain her championship dreams by defeating the unbeatable – Asuka. And she fails – twice.

The second one hurts. Literally. And to make her feel better, Alexa comes in to talk about how no one likes Nia because she’s different, and she’ll probably never actually amount to anything.

Oh, did I say make her feel better? I meant worse. Waaaaaaay worse. Nia starts bawling like someone who just chopped all the onions in the world, and the scene ends.

Seriously – that’s it. I have no idea what the plan is outside of “Bliss vs. Nia at WrestleMania.” But this was an awkward, bad segment.

Braun Strowman, Megadeth Enthusiast

Fun fact: I quoted a Megadeth song in my high school graduation speech. So if anyone is here for Braun Strowman to be the biggest Deth Eater out there, it’s me.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Elias vs. Braun Strowman, Symphony of Destruction Match

Result: Braun Strowman defeated Elias via pinfall

Rating: 2.25 out of 5 stars

Before the match, Elias does his best Dave Grohl impression, rocking out on the piano, drums, and guitar. After denigrating the city of Milwaukee – not cool, since Milwaukee is “The Good Land” – the balladeer tries to execute his master plan for the Symphony of Destruction match.

That plan? RUN LIKE HELL. A quick lighting change to hide his movements, and Elias is making a beeline for the exits. He hops into a waiting car, and tries to back out – but to no avail. Braun Strowman decided the car was the perfect object to do triceps raises with – so the rear wheels were about three feet in the air.

Once Braun chases Elias back into the building, it’s on. A couple of guitars ended up smashed, yet another double bass (the music teacher in me is cringing at the money spent on those instruments that I’d love to have in my school’s budget), and finally the piano. But the piano lasted long enough for Braun to play a bit – I was hoping for “Chopsticks,” would have laughed like a fool if it was “Fur Elise,” and would have been stunned if he played, like, the Moonlight Sonata.

Look, there’s no way a Symphony of Destruction match was going to be a 4+ star classic. It was entertaining as all hell, though, and Braun picking up the win via piano smash was wonderful. I would have loved to see a running powerslam through the piano, but maybe next time.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Bray Wyatt vs. Rhyno (w/ Heath Slater)

Result: Bray Wyatt defeated Rhyno via pinfall

Rating: 1.0 out of 5 stars

Bray’s entrance lasted longer than the match, didn’t it?

Rhyno looked to avenge himself and Slater from last week, when Wyatt snapped and brutally beat the two down instead of actually having a match. The Man Beast came out like a bullet, but it wasn’t enough – Wyatt hit a Sister Abigail quickly for the victory.

After the match, things started out like more of the same – Wyatt challenges Matt Hardy yet again to another match. Apparently, there is no end to this feud. When Hardy finally appears on the big screen, it’s almost time to check out mentally.

But instead, we may have finally gotten to the fireworks factory. Hardy says that another battle cannot be contained by WWE – only the Hardy Compound will suffice. Sure enough, there was Skaarsgard the Dilapidated Boat, Vanguard 1, and the Hardy Compound. No Senor Benjamin, but there’s time for that.

Perhaps WWE is finally rewarding the fans who have been clamoring for the Broken Universe since the Hardys returned to WWE last year. It’s still a bit too early to tell, but signs are pointing towards salvaging this situation.

Of course, the Wyatts/New Day garbage that tried to rip off the Final Deletion in TNA makes me step back for a second. but if Matt is involved, this should be pretty good.

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

The Mizzies

Very few people in WWE – or professional wrestling in general – can get a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand the way The Miz can. Whether he’s playing the heel in a wrestling match, or hosting Miz TV, or ranting on Talking Smack, or even hosting a garbage awards show parody, Miz is on point.

The Mizzies, of course, are terrible. Everyone knows this. It’s not meant to be good, no matter what some people may think. But there’s Mike freakin’ Mizanin, making sure the segment is something you can’t look away from.

And the whole thing is just an exercise in lambasting the people who make The Miz’s life miserable (Miz-erable?), like Seth Rollins, Finn Balor, and Kurt Angle. After a bit, Rollins comes out to interrupt, closely followed by Balor. The Miz lays into both of them with yet another sort of worked shoot promo (to Balor: “This isn’t Japan… you need something more than a hand sign that isn’t even yours!”).

This leads to the most obvious of outcomes – a handicap match that isn’t really a handicap match. Miz felt that his two matches last week were basically a 2-on-1 affair. So he challenges Rollins and Balor to be at the disadvantage, and face The Miz, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel.

It doesn’t take long for Rollins and Balor to agree, and the match is on…

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Seth Rollins & Finn Balor vs. The Miz, Bo Dallas, & Curtis Axel

Result: Seth Rollins & Finn Balor defeated The Miz, Bo Dallas, & Curtis Axel via pinfall

Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars

Not gonna lie, I wanted to like this match a lot more than I did. I don’t know if it’s fatigue from the length of Raw, or the inclusion of Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel (who I love, but come on), or something else I can’t put my finger on. But I liked the match instead of loving it.

The duelling hot tags of Rollins and Balor really highlight the trouble with these kind of handicap matches. Since everyone of consequence has to get their shine in, Miz has to basically wear down both guys (or direct his partners in doing so) one at a time. Neither Rollins nor Balor looked bad, but I would say Rollins looked better tonight in his hot tag.

The petty infighting between Rollins and Balor also detracted from this a bit. I get it – there’s a somewhat friendly rivalry brewing. But not everything has to be high-intensity, super dramatic, unfriendly warring between partners. Let them coexist for once, change it up.

After Rollins tags himself in to return the favor to Balor, he hits Miz with the Blackout for the victory – yes, a champion was pinned in a non-title match, go figure. Kurt Angle comes out to finally announce Miz’s WrestleMania opponent – surprise surprise, it’s a triple threat match against Rollins and Balor.

https://twitter.com/WWEUniverse/status/970869903912611840

We all know that match is going to rule, right?

Photo Source: WWE.com via Twitter

Paul Heyman Responds to Roman Reigns

In the main event of WWE Raw on March 5, 2018, Paul Heyman delivered two promos. They were as different as night and day. One was terrific, and the other was more cringeworthy than anything WWE has aired in quite some time.

More from Daily DDT

• It’s time for Adam Cole and MJF to drop the ROH tag team titles
• Tom Lawlor talks MLW return, AEW opportunity, CM Punk’s WWE return and more
• Eddie Kingston stands to gain the most from the AEW Continental Classic
• Trish Stratus on WWE NXT would help elevate that women’s division
• Randy Orton signs with SmackDown to go after The Bloodline

The first promo was intense, and it helped build to the match at WrestleMania between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns. Aside from a cheap namedrop of UFC the subject was clear – Roman Reigns had his biggest victory last year at WrestleMania over the Undertaker. And the fact that Taker only fought once last year had no bearing, because “The Undertaker is The Undertaker 365 days a year, and [Roman] beat him.” Powerful stuff.

Of course, Heyman says that Brock Lesnar is Brock Lesnar 365 days a year, too, so Reigns is in for a fight at Mania. Heyman goes to leave, but turns around, and that’s where the cringe comes in. Calling the Universal Championship Brock’s “b**ch” is a despicable, disgusting, disrespectful thing to do. I get that it’s a play on Roman calling Brock the same thing last week, but guess what? That was also probably the worst part of Reigns’s promo.

To make things worse, Heyman referred to the title as “her.” Two things about that: first, only Eddie Kingston gets to call a world title “her”; and second, calling a title “her” and “b**ch” in the same breath is incredibly misogynistic. For a company so hell bent on the “women’s revolution” and pushing for equality for the women superstars on the roster, to have a great promo guy who can say anything disrespect women in such a fashion is a bad look.

Heyman starts to turn things around by the end of the promo, but that detour into Awfulburg killed the momentum for me. By the time Roman comes out to reiterate what he said last week and challenge Brock to a fight next week, I was checked out. Hopefully next week it’s fisticuffs and not cusses we get to deal with.

Next: Predicting the WrestleMania 34 Card

What did you think of this week’s episode of WWE Raw.