WWE Superstars as Marvel’s Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Superstars

Bryan Heaton

After months of anticipation, Avengers: Infinity War will hit theaters this weekend. What if the film were recast with WWE superstars making up the team?

In his final appearance on WWE Raw before being sent to the SmackDown brand, The Miz proved his A-list status with a fiery promo. He compared himself, the Miztourage, and Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn to a litany of great teams in history. To me, the most intriguing comparison was to a great super hero franchise – The Avengers.

Marvel’s Greatest Heroes will once again assemble on the silver screen this week. Avengers: Infinity War is one of this summer’s most anticipated films. From all indications, it’s going to be the beginning of the end for characters like Iron Man, Captain America, and the Guardians of the Galaxy. The big bad of the film, Thanos, has a singular focus: to bend reality to his will, even it means the destruction of anyone and anything in his way.

But Miz’s comments got me thinking: what WWE superstars would make the best Avengers? Who on the roster could fill the star-spangled boots of Steve Rogers? Is there someone with the same smart-aleck, over-confident attitude of a Tony Stark? Can anyone hold a candle to the combat skills of a Black Widow, or Gamora?

There’s been several attempts to recreate the Avengers with WWE superstars. The tweet above includes a pretty amazing video that recuts the film trailer with WWE footage. Then a few weeks back, a mock-up of the film poster with the heroes replaced by WWE’s finest made the rounds online. Some of those made sense, but a few of them left me scratching my head. So now, I’m going to give the official, definitive list of which WWE superstars would be the best corollaries to Marvel’s Avengers. Heroes only, with one possible exception (Loki’s flipped so many times I don’t think anyone knows exactly where he stands).

(SPOILER WARNING ahead for all movies from Iron Man to Black Panther inclusive)

Star-Lord: Dean Ambrose

At the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy, Peter Quill is an Indiana Jones-type explorer, but he’s also got a history of trouble with the law. He tends to do without thinking, and famously only had 12 percent of a plan to defeat Ronan. But through it all, he has a deep love for his family, and is incredibly hurt by betrayal.

Dean Ambrose seems like the type of guy who’d run afoul of the law a bit. Nothing major, but something minor like disorderly conduct? I could totally see that. He’s nicknamed “The Lunatic Fringe,” mostly because he also doesn’t think things through. If Ambrose ever had even 12 percent of a plan, I’d be shocked.

But like Quill, he’s got a big heart, and is deeply wounded by betrayal. How long did it take Ambrose to forgive Seth Rollins? You can’t ignore the parallel of comedic personalities, either — Ambrose is a low key funny guy, and Star-Lord is practically a stand-up comic at times.

Gamora: Asuka

Gamora is a surgically enhanced killing machine. She’s exceptionally skilled in hand to hand combat, and anyone who goes up against her falls (except for that one time when Nebula kind of got the upper hand).

Asuka is a master striker, and is more skilled in a strike-based wrestling match than almost anyone in the company. To date, she’s only been beaten once, as well; besides that, she’s unstoppable.

Rocket Raccoon & Groot: Paul Heyman & Brock Lesnar

Not gonna lie, I originally envisioned Lesnar as Hawkeye: retired-is but still works part-time, spends the rest of his days off the grid with a family on a farm, and just is kind of grumpy about always getting called back to action.

But the chance to picture Brock as a regenerating tree who doesn’t really talk, and relies on a real fast-talking lunatic to be his mouthpiece was too good to pass up. Heyman is the only one who compares to Rocket’s patter.

Mantis: Dana Brooke

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Mantis is introduced as an empath. She can detect your feelings, and also sort of control them. So, if you’re sad, she can make you happy.

Is there anyone on the WWE roster who can accomplish that better than Dana Brooke? I mean, one look at her and my spirits are usually lifted. She’s infectiously happy, even when she’s probably supposed to look imposing. And as the statistician/hype woman for Titus Worldwide, she almost functions the same way Mantis did to Ego before everything went down.

Drax: Batista

Because, well, duh.

Doctor Strange: Matt Hardy

Seriously? You didn’t see this one coming? Maybe it’s not totally perfect, but no one in WWE epitomizes “strange” more than the Woken Warrior.

Despite his strange ways of getting his point across, there isn’t a single person in the locker room who can claim to be wiser than Hardy. Existing through the entirety of history will do that for you. And Strange has studied the art of time manipulation with the Eye of Agamotto; surely Matt Hardy is a master of manipulating time if he’s having this kind of success this late in his career.

(Plus, this makes Bray Wyatt match up with Wong, Strange’s man servant, and that concept is hilarious to me.)

Thor: Cesaro

Thor is the God of Thunder, who can control lightning with enough concentration. Plus, he’s a funny dude who never hesitates to crack wise, even when he’s fighting for his life.

Cesaro doesn’t shoot lightning or anything like that, but he swings opponents around with the same ease as which Thor swung Mjolnir before it was destroyed. And though Cesaro doesn’t always get as much time to speak as Thor, it’s clear he possesses the same kind of joking nature.

Another parallel? Thor lost an eye in combat, while Cesaro lost a few teeth after hitting the ring post hard last summer. IT ALL FITS.

Loki: Finn Balor

“But wait, Finn Balor isn’t a villain, and Loki is the baddest of the bad guys there was! He’s what brought the Avengers together in the first place!” I can hear you, dear readers. But this is more for attitude than anything else. Loki is the God of Mischief — he plays jokes and tricks on people. How often does Balor troll the WWE Universe through social media? Same idea, even if one is to get people talking and the other is to enslave the human race.

Plus, it’s all about the charisma. The reason Loki was in the position to do all the bad things he did because of his smooth-talking and charm. Finn Balor is probably the most charming person in WWE. He could turn heel in a heartbeat without changing a thing, same as Loki.

Hulk: Braun Strowman

What does Hulk do? Smash.

What does Braun do? Uh, smash?

Hulk is the only Avenger who would do something like flip over an ambulance with an enemy inside, so this is the most apt match. And I guess Brains Strowman would be Bruce Banner in this case, too.

Nick Fury: Vince McMahon

Nick Fury put together the Avengers, despite being told the project was being shut down. Of course, this all ends up going to hell when Sokovia falls out of the sky, people die, and the government gets involved, making half the Avengers fugitives from justice. Fury faked his death and went into hiding, but really faced limited consequences.

Who is responsible for pretty much every decision in WWE? For better or worse? Vince McMahon. He built everything from the ground up, competition be damned. And when things went to hell, and half of his wrestlers either died or were accused of steroid use, Vince still got off almost scot-free.

Iron Man: The Miz

Billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist. Four words Tony Stark uses to define himself to Captain America during one of the many tiffs the two have. Because at the heart of things, that’s how Stark sees himself. Not Iron Man, just a smart rich guy who likes to have fun, but who also helps people. He wants to make the world a better place for Pepper Potts, the love of his life.

Now take The Miz. He’s a Hollywood A-lister (in his mind, at least). His film career has bolstered his career earnings, so he’s rich. He thinks he’s brilliant since he always has a plan for when someone tries to come at him. Of course he created The Miztourage, not to mention winning the Mixed Match Challenge so he was directly responsible for a large charitable donation. And everything he does now is for the benefit of his wife, Maryse, and their new daughter.

Plus, Iron Man and Captain America are fundamentally different human beings with a long rivalry. The Miz is fundamentally different from our Captain America, too, and they’ve had a decent rivalry over the years.

Spider-Man: Tyler Bate

The youngest Avenger should be the youngest WWE superstar still on active duty, right? Plus, I feel like Tyler Bate would be exactly like Peter Parker when meeting some of the other Avengers.

“Hi, I’m Tyler.”

“I’m Dr. Xavier Woods.”

“Oh, we’re using our ring names… Well, then, I’m, uh, Tyler.”

Black Widow: Sasha Banks

Natasha Romanoff has a very duplicitous nature. It’s essential for the life of a spy. You need to blend in, be ready to cut ties at a moment’s notice, and not allow friendships to get in the way of your job (even though Natasha totally lets friendships get in the way of her job).

Sasha Banks is duplicitous as well. She seems to be everyone’s best friend, but will turn at a moment’s notice. Just ask Bayley. Friendships don’t mean nearly as much to The Boss as winning championships — getting the job done.

Black Panther: Xavier Woods

Xavier Woods is the de facto leader of New Day, a group that is very different than people’s first impressions of it. He has a PhD, so he’s pretty dang smart. And his love of video games could be seen as being technologically advanced. Sound like anyone we know in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

T’Challa is the current King of Wakanda, a technologically advanced country that is not what it seems at first glance. He’s new to the post, but he’s smart and does what’s best for his people. Seems a good fit for Woods.

And this 100 percent makes Big E the imposing M’Baku, which is a comparison that should be obvious to everyone who’s seen Black Panther.

War Machine: Bobby Lashley

A grizzled Air Force veteran, Col. James Rhodes is an important person in both the military and the super hero communities. When not hanging around the other Avengers, Rhodes moonlights as Iron Patriot, a rebranded War Machine, for morale boosting purposes. So he kind of comes and goes, rather than being a permanent Avenger.

Bobby Lashley has spent a decade away from WWE, but now he’s back. He’s also a grizzled veteran, of both pro wrestling and MMA competition. While on the TNA roster, Lashley also competed for Bellator, moonlighting as a mixed martial artist.

Rhodes also isn’t afraid to stand up to Tony Stark — do you think Lashley would be afraid to tell Miz what was up?

Vision: Randy Orton

Vision is an android, with artificial intelligence installed into his “consciousness.”

Randy Orton is so boring and dull as a character, he might as well be an android. He’s “programmed” for RKOs, snake taunts, and apathy.

Captain America: John Cena

It’s hard to put anyone else in this spot. Steve Rogers was the face of the United States for a long time, just like John Cena was face of the WWE for a while. Cap’s selling point is his super strength and seemingly inability to be seriously injured; Cena shares those same traits, too.

But heading into Infinity War, Rogers is jaded. He’s no longer Captain America — he’s been on the run, hiding out and embracing new aspects of his personality. And what about Cena over the past few months? He’s not the same John Cena he once was. He’s lost big matches, he’s gone batty on the mic, and he resorted to calling out The Undertaker for weeks just to get beaten up by the Dead Man. Jaded much?

Winter Soldier/White Wolf: Roman Reigns

Bucky Barnes is Steve Rogers’s oldest friend, and generally seen as a possible replacement for Rogers as Captain America. How long has Reigns been viewed as “the next guy” after John Cena?

Personality-wise, this checks out, too. Bucky was brainwashed by HYDRA before finally seeing the light and overcoming his programming (for the most part). Reigns not only got his start as a hired gun coordinating sneak attacks as part of a sort of outside-the-rules organization, he sometimes sounds like he’s brainwashed when he talks because he’s overscripted to hell and can’t sound like a normal human being.

Oh, and Bucky has a metal arm. Roman Reigns cocks his fist like a shotgun. It’s close enough to work.

Falcon: Kofi Kingston

Before you start the flame wars on me, hear me out. This is more than just “black man who flies through the air,” I swear.

Sam Wilson is one of Captain America’s closest allies. Cap trusts him with his life. Kofi has had a lengthy career in WWE — not easy to do if both the rest of the locker room and the front office don’t trust you. Plus, Kofi is a big part of New Day, which is built on being positive. Falcon works with veterans to help ease their PTSD through positive thinking and experiences.

Finally, Falcon deserves to be a bigger part of the Avengers than he’s gotten to show thus far. Kofi deserves that same bigger spotlight.

(Oh, and Falcon’s biggest feud was with Ant-Man; scroll to the bottom of this page to see who that is and tell me it isn’t Kofi Kingston’s biggest rival of all time.)

Hawkeye: Daniel Bryan

Lives on a secluded land far from prying eyes? Check. Does everything for his family? Check. Pulled out of retirement? Check.

Remember, even with as much fan support as he had, Bryan was one of the most improbable WWE Champions of all time. Kind of like a guy with a bow and arrow hanging with gods, monsters, and billionaires on flying cities about to fall to the ground. None of this makes sense.

Scarlet Witch: Charlotte Flair

Wanda Maximoff is fueled by tragedy. Her brother Pietro died during the Battle of Sokovia, and Wanda draws on those memories as she develops her skills as an Avenger.

Remember that whole awful storyline a few years back where Paige “reminded” Charlotte that her brother Reid died of an overdose? Big parallel there.

Also, as much as I like Charlotte as a competitor and think she’s terrific as a focus point in the women’s division, when she talks she sometimes sounds like she’s got an Eastern European accent with all the random pauses and changes in inflection. Just like Scarlet Witch!

Ant-Man: Dolph Ziggler

Every time something important is happening, Scott Lang uses the Pym Particles and shrinks down out of sight. Dolph Ziggler has done the same thing for the past year.

Next: 5 Best Movies Starring WWE Superstars

Who do you agree with? Disagree? Sound off in the comments, and catch Avengers: Infinity War in theaters April 27, 2018!