This week, in Name Redacted, The Undertaker will take on Goldberg for the very first time. This match, however, simply can not deliver.
The Undertaker and Goldberg are two huge names in professional wrestling; potentially some of the biggest names that can still perform anywhere in the world. Their careers are celebrated. Individual matches are celebrated. Their names are heralded around the globe.
This Friday, at Super Showdown in Name Redacted, these two Goliaths will compete against each other for the first time ever. Two men who have brought so much to the sport and provided so much entertainment will compete to determine who is the better man.
And we all know it’s going to suck.
To be clear, I’m not saying it might be poor. I’m not saying the quality won’t be absolute top notch. I’m saying, outright, it’s going to suck. I’m also saying that we all know it’s going to suck.
I don’t think there are many people in the world who honestly think this is going to be a good match or are even looking forward to it. For a supposed marquee match, an international main event, that is not a good thing.
There are many, many reasons why this match can’t deliver. I’ve picked out five to try to narrow down exactly what WWE have done wrong with what should be the easiest home run they’ve ever played. Please join me in this journey of confusion, apathy and dread that is WWE fandom whenever they go international.
5. The build has been terrible
Just terrible.
The announcement of the match came on Twitter and since then there’s been nothing. Neither The Undertaker nor Goldberg are particularly prolific tweeters (though who can forget The Undertaker’s social media heroics in the build to WrestleMania 22) and neither have appeared on Raw or SmackDown.
The first actual sight of either man will come this week on Raw, where The Undertaker has been drafted in to walk to the ring, look menacing, roll his eyes and leave. Essentially, he’s in the Sami Zayn spot.
This will be followed by Goldberg appearing on SmackDown for the first time ever. That’s great and all, let’s make history and all that jazz, but maybe he could, you know, turn up sooner?
Starting to actually build towards a match only three or four days before the event is not going to get people excited, no matter who’s in the match.
The worst part of all of it is that we’re very unlikely to see the two men actually interact before the match, even to stare each other down. Admittedly, the Undertaker could turn up on SmackDown but we both know his time on the B show just isn’t a thing any more.
B show B show go go go!
4. There’s no history
A major part of what little build there has been is WWE stating that this is the first time the two will ever compete. Unfortunately this comes with a caveat; there’s no history between the two men.
Throw Triple H vs Goldberg and suddenly we have a wealth of history, some grudges to settle and some backstage antics that have created tension in the past. Of course those issues are long resolved, but this is wrestling; kayfabe it.
There hasn’t even been much of an attempt to frame this as WWE vs WCW. That wouldn’t really work either given that Goldberg’s latest run; a quite entertaining feud with Brock Lesnar, was about as WWE as it gets.
The Undertaker has history with almost everybody on the roster. His feud with John Cena last year was actually built on their history of not having history. That’s how clever John Cena was in the build to that feud. He created history around the lack of history.
Unfortunately, nothing has happened between The Undertaker and Goldberg.
3. They’re both well past their prime
There’s no escaping the fact that The Undertaker can no longer perform as he used to. The last truly great Undertaker match may be six years ago against CM Punk or, for certain purists, even further back against Triple H or Shawn Michaels.
Sure, Goldberg vs Lesnar delivered, but will you ever see a match more clearly built to hide weaknesses as those matches?
They were short, full of heavy moves and finishers and involved a lot more laying down than you might remember. Even that was a long time ago now. Bray Wyatt was WWE Champion then. Do you remember that time? Me neither.
At this point there’s nobody left to actually carry the match and that’s an issue. Both men have been lined up against young, fit athletes with solid wrestling experience who can carry their opponent to a high match standard without much difficulty. Not so this time.
Goldberg was never much of a ring general and while The Undertaker certainly is, did you see that tag team match with Kane against Triple H and Shawn Michaels? “Methodical” is not the word I would use.
2. Somebody’s got to lose
In one corner we have the formerly unstoppable force that is The Undertaker.
In the other we have the formerly unstoppable force that is Goldberg.
However, the key word there is formerly. Times have changed. Both men have picked up major losses in recent years and now that mystique is well and truly broken. The Undertaker even broke character after his WrestleMania match with Roman Reigns; something that had previously seemed a truly ridiculous concept.
With neither man the juggernaut they once were, both are now in a position where wins and losses no longer affect their future, they instead affect their legacy.
A loss for Goldberg will tarnish the memory of his big, unstoppable WCW run. A loss for Undertaker will tarnish the legacy of the streak.
There’ll be no getting their heat back, no walking straight into the next feud. Both men wrestle so rarely now that we all know this is a spectacle match. However, this is wrestling. There still has to be a winner and a loser.
Who would you rather have lose?
1. It’s in Saudi Arabia
And here we have the real death knell.
This match could have been a major marquee match anywhere else in the world. If you announced this as the main event for SummerSlam and promoted it as such, people would probably have been interested. You might have raised some intrigue.
Instead, as has become usual, WWE only bring out the big guns for international shows. It’s not even legends at WrestleMania any more; The Undertaker wrestles almost exclusively outside of America now, and it seems like Goldberg is joining him.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure the money is good. Unfortunately, the fans also know where that money is coming from. They will not commit to an interest in a glorified house show designed not for entertainment value, but almost entirely to line the pockets of the WWE.
At first there was a huge outcry against Saudi Arabia. This reached a crescendo during the second show, Crown Jewel.
Unfortunately, WWE didn’t listen to that outcry. While performers like Daniel Bryan continue to take a stand against Saudi Arabia, they also continue to wrestle in WWE. I can get behind Daniel Bryan. I can get behind John Cena. I can’t get behind this show.
That’s the mood of their WWE Universe. When it comes to Saudi Arabia, we’ve given up. Give us Undertaker vs Goldberg. We don’t care. Give us CM Punk vs Triple H. We won’t care.
Two top class wrestlers will do battle in Saudi Arabia, and even WWE don’t seem interested. This match can not possibly deliver.