WWE SmackDown Smacks and Downs: Jeff Hardy gives Sheamus a golden shower

How did WWE use the go-home SmackDown to garner interest in tomorrow’s Backlash event? What are we to make of that opening segment? Here are the “smack” and “downs” for Jun. 12.

(Shout out to The New Day, who were also wearing armbands with names of Black people murdered by police.)

Is it just me, or does Backlash just lack a certain enthusiasm? I don’t feel myself necessarily feeling like I need to watch the show. At least, that’s how I felt heading into last night’s SmackDown (full disclosure: I haven’t watched RAW in two months+, but do keep up through written reports).

Did last night’s show do anything to garner my interest in tomorrow night’s show? Well, I almost turned it off after the opening segment if that gives you any indication.

One match that certainly had my interest on SmackDown (though not Backlash) was the finals of the Intercontinental Championship Tournament between Daniel Bryan and AJ Styles. With both men having story reasons to win the title (beyond becoming a champion), who takes the mantle as what’s long been thought of as the workhorse championship?

Just don’t tell that to Sami Zayn.

WWE also advertised a six-man tag team match pitting Universal Champion Braun Strowman and Heavy Machinery (Otis, Tucker) against The Miz, John Morrison, and Dolph Ziggler.

While all six men have been in interwoven stories, those stories have recently been average at best. Was there any improvement considering the lackluster build for the handicap match for the Universal Championship match scheduled for tomorrow’s event?

The Women’s Tag Team Championship also received more shine with last night’s “Bayley-bration” as we head towards the triple threat match between Boss ‘N’ Hug Connection, Bliss Cross Applesauce, and The IIconics. The men’s side, however, is a bit more muddled. How did these two separate scenes frame their matches for tomorrow night’s show?

Lastly, we have the most talked about segment from last night’s show between Jeff Hardy and Sheamus.

I have been critical of WWE for using Hardy’s real-life substance abuse issues as kayfabe story even if it was obvious from the beginning this was all the doing of another individual (shout out the Graham “GSM” Matthews for pointing out Zayn may be the culprit with his red beard, though his hair is more brown).

Especially after last night’s segment, can we just stop?

As a reminder of my criteria, I’m not going to run through each match/segment. Rather, I will identify a couple of segments that either worked (“smack”) or didn’t for whatever reason (“down”).

My criteria includes quality of match/segment and how it starts and/or builds stories. After all, we watch partly to be caught up in the stories. If a great work-rate match happens with no context or bearing on the stories, it’s going to be a miss.

Also, just because something is a hit/miss doesn’t mean it was an overwhelming choice. The selection could be 51 percent hit, 75 percent miss, and so on.

There are other subtleties to my criteria, but those are pretty much the parameters.

I have to start with that opening segment, right?

Down: a dousing of urine? what is this, high school?

Down: can we finally do away with sobriety angles for Jeff Hardy?

This isn’t even the first urinalysis segment in WWE. To make matters worse, it was pretty similar to the first time WWE tried this, even down to the “Better to be pissed off than pissed on” line.

That splash, though; literally right on the nose, a face shot, the proverbial knockout blow. At least Sheamus sold it like I believe anyone would in that situation. I know, it wasn’t actually urine.

That didn’t take away from one, the utter needlessness of this segment, and two, the overarching sour taste of intimating Hardy may have relapsed.

It also reeked of something I would hear about in high school. Hardy and Sheamus are in their early 40s, not their teens. If any segment was a channel-turner, it was this one.

For one, why would a urinalysis need to happen in the ring, recorded for the world to see, in front of an audience? They could have just simply done a “Hardy going to the testing center” vignette and involved the same people. I mean, we do see WWE quite often make little offices or exam areas for segments anyway, so it’s not like this would have meant actually going out in public during the pandemic.

Also, how did the doctor have enough urine left to analyze considering 95 percent of it was on Sheamus and the other five percent on the mat? Maybe he had Hardy fill another cup.

I’ve taken a urinalysis before, and the cup they gave us was definitely much smaller than that. You knew it was going to be thrown in Sheamus’ face as soon as you saw the size of the, well, pitcher.

Hardy could also use some hydration (kayfabe), yeah?

Sheamus was shocked when the test results came back negative, so either he is a truly stupid heel or he didn’t actually do the deed and was merely taking advantage of an opportunity.

If he didn’t do, then I don’t think Zayn did it because he is still harping about the “fraud” that was the Intercontinental Championship Tournament, but could also see WWE thrusting him into this Hardy story to keep him away from the IC title scene through sheer pettiness.

Perusing the roster, the only other person it could be in my opinion is The Fiend. Bray Wyatt does have at least one red dread in his hair, and with The Fiend mask on, maybe the red came off as a beard to Strowman? It could also be explained away that The Fiend used his “powers” to come off as a red haired and bearded man to conceal his identity.

I’m really only saying this because I think Hardy vs. The Fiend would allow Hardy to channel more of “The Charismatic Enigma” character from WWE’s past and his “Brother Nero” and “Willow” gimmicks in TNA/Impact. The promo/vignettes would be a trip to say the least.

Maybe it’s someone from NXT, but no one matches that description. If travel restrictions have been lifted, there are two contenders in NXT UK: Joe Coffey and “Bomber” Dave Mastiff, though both fall into Zayn’s category of being more brunette than red haired.

Then again, will WWE even remember they had Strowman indicate he saw someone with red hair and a red beard? Watch, it turns out to be a Robert Roode or a Kona Reeves instead.

Sheamus and Hardy battle tomorrow night, and hopefully, we can all put this behind us afterward.

Smack: the best WWE match in 2020 (at the very least)

Down: FOUR commercial breaks?!

Just wow, what a splendid match we were treated to last night. Credit to WWE for their nice video highlighting the history of the Intercontinental Championship (including the various Hall of Famers who held the title) and the build to the Bryan-Styles match.

These men were given 40 minutes and I wouldn’t have been mad had they gone the rest of the show in an 80 minute or so match. It would really add to the feeling that anything can happen, including matches being punted because the match/segment before went into overtime, so to speak (like the John Cena-Shawn Michales RAW match from over a decade ago).

I’m an admitted sucker for mat and submission/grappling-based matches, and well, what wasn’t there to like about the actual match last night? (Do yourself a favor and watch Pete Dunne vs. Arturo Ruas from the Sep. 18 episode of NXT.) Styles began by working Bryan’s left arm, and that wicked arm wringer he pulled off on Bryan was only accentuated by referee Charles Robinson’s (aka “Lil’ Naitch”) reaction.

Bryan returned the favor by working the left arm of Styles, presumably to weaken it for the LaBell Lock. Styles began to work the left leg of Bryan (remember, “working the left”) to weaken it for his Calf Crusher. It was one of those matches where most of it was spent within an arm’s reach of each other, if not locked into some hold.

My favorite part of the match had to be when Bryan and Styles traded dueling German suplexes…without breaking hold of a rear waist lock! Bryan hit one, then Styles countered into a rear waist lock to hit his own, and Bryan returned the favor shortly thereafter into a bridging pin for a near fall.

I also think they pulled off one of the smoothest sequences I can remember. Styles attempted a springboard (presumably for the Phenomenal Forearm) only for Bryan to literally catch him into the butterfly suplex position, which he then turned into an armbar. Styles countered into a Calf Crusher, and I was gobsmacked at the sheer fluidity.

Oftentimes, smooth sequences in professional wrestling tend to look too choreographed and not like a fight, but that was one sequence where the skills and abilities of each performer were on full display.

The finish came when Styles (again, smoothly) countered Bryan’s attempt at the Busaiku Knee into a simply beautiful Styles Clash. Partly because of the damage he sustained and the gritty nature of the match, he was unable to immediately attempt a pin. Knowing he would need more to put Bryan away, he landed a flush Phenomenal Forearm for the pin the middle of the ring.

That was a throwback match that channeled the history of the Intercontinental Championship as the workhorse title with workhorse matches. It was physical, gritty, emotionally-investing, and with a great story and psychology. Now when we see highlights of great IC title matches, this one will undoubtedly be shown.

You also have to hand it to both men for selling their endeavor post-match. Styles, even having just won his first Intercontinental Championship, merely laid in the ring on his back, recovering, next to his downed foe. Bryan, when he finally made it to the outside of the ring, kept checking on his leg that sustained a lot of damage.

Also, can we have more post-match interviews, please? Styles, out of breath, reiterated his belief that he is the greatest WWE Champion/champion ever, simply saying to Renee Young, “I am phenomenal.”

(Side note: is Styles signaling a face turn with this tweet last night? If so, his best run in WWE was when he was WWE Champion and “The Face That Runs The Place” on “The Show That AJ Styles Built” in SmackDown, so I’m for the turn if it indeed happens.)

What I didn’t like? We had FOUR commercial breaks that took about 15 minutes. That means we only saw around 25 minutes of that instant classic. Now, considering this was taped, it’s possible that once they cut to break, they had Bryan and Styles rest until a few moments before coming back from break.

However, if that’s not the case and they worked all 40 minutes, we NEED to see the other 15 minutes! Release the footage!

(There’s another segment I think needs to be released, but I’ll get to that shortly.)

Also, while I will give Michael Cole and Corey Graves some credit for actually mentioning how and why each competitor was targeting the other’s limbs, Cole said Styles working Bryan’s left leg would prevent him from hitting the running (Busiaku) knee, but Bryan hits it with his right leg, not his left!

Still, commentary did a wonderful job of putting each competitor and the match over to a high degree. It helps when you have two of the best wrestlers of the last 20 years putting on an absolute seminar.

If you haven’t yet, please go and watch the match. You will NOT be disappointed.

Down: talk about mid

Honestly, this could have been cut and just turned into a vignette or something. Outside of Strowman pouncing Morrison into the boards, there were really no other positives to take from this match.

To make matters worse, WWE just made their babyfaces look even more dumb when Otis sprinted to the back when King Corbin grabbed a camera operator to show him trying to make moves on Mandy Rose, Otis’ “peach.” Hey, at least Corbin grabbed someone instead of having the invisible camera.

However, one, what exactly is Corbin going to do to Rose that would necessitate Otis’ presence? Two, Rose is a fully capable individual herself, not only as a wrestler, but as a former fitness competitor.

Not only does this reinforce the notion that women need the protection of men, but it also removes agency from Rose. She could have easily put Corbin in his place without Otis running in and physically assaulting Corbin.

At least Otis made it back to the match so he could hit the Caterpillar elbow and get the pin, thanks to the help of Strowman.

Speaking of Strowman, I’m glad WWE gave him the opportunity to perform that solo promo in the back earlier in the night. He’s improving, but he needs more time and segments like this to truly show if he can carry a championship promo.

For a match and earlier segments that were supposed to not only draw my interest in the main event but also the handicap Universal Championship match tomorrow night, that did not happen.

There has really been nothing that indicates to me we should even think that The Miz and Morrison even have a chance against Strowman tomorrow night. The lasting image we have heading into the match is Strowman sending Morrison into the fifth row if there wasn’t a Plexiglas barrier. Strowman should squash them tomorrow. If he doesn’t, well, do we consider the last three months a failed experiment?

Props to Kayla Braxton for being so professional when interviewing The Miz and Morrison after being slimed by the two last week, even if her eyes told a different story. Other than that, the less I see of The Miz and Morrison, the better.

Smack: Women’s Tag Team Championship scene

Down: Men’s Tag Team Championship scene

I can’t believe I said that even though it involves The New Day, yet here we are.

They faced Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura, The Artist Collective (or as I call them, Cesaromura), on last night’s show. In traditional WWE booking that makes no sense and is so predictable, the challengers pinned the champion to presumably challenge for the Tag Team Championship either on Backlash (probably the pre-show, unfortunately) or next week’s episode.

I mean, look, it was a good match. It’s hard to have a bad match when you have those four wrestlers involved. It’s just so predictable, and not the good predictable like Rose siding with Otis or MVP being a pro on the mic.

I understand Cesaromura were thrown into a unique situation with Zayn voluntarily staying home during the pandemic, and they’ve bounced around in different angles since. Having them in the title picture is a big step in the right direction for the two, who’ve built a great chemistry and coalescing style.

I don’t think The New Day should drop the titles again so soon, but I wouldn’t be mad if Cesaromura won.

However, and this is another one I can’t believe I’m saying, but where are The Forgotten Sons? Even before the overwhelming reaction to Jaxson’s Ryker MAGA tweet and previous Facebook post, TFS kind of disappeared to be forgotten once more. Steve Cutler and Wesley Blake were the main tag team anyway, and their style is much more adaptable to RAW/SmackDown than when they were in NXT, so reintroduce them without Ryker and hey, maybe change the name?

To their credit, they also tweeted what basically amounted to rebukes of Ryker’s comments.

The men’s tag team picture is suffering from a bit of booking fatigue, but we can’t say that about their counterparts.

First, my sincerest apologies to Bayley, whom I referred to as Bayley-2-Belts last week. She has since corrected me (and many others) by referring to herself as Bayley-Dos-Straps and you know what, that’s fire.

Did you know that all four women’s championships in WWE are currently held by women of color? Io Shirai (Japanese) is NXT Champion, Asuka (Japanese) is RAW Women’s Champion, Bayley (Mexican-American) is SmackDown Women’s Champion and one half of the Women’s Tag Team Champion, and Sasha Banks (Black/African-American) is the other half of the Women’s Tag Team Champion. It’s also a big deal that this fact isn’t a big deal.

To the show, out Bayley and Banks came for their “Bayley-bration.” Didn’t you just love the two acting like they wanted a selfie with Cole only to block him from each shot and shouting, “Yeah, right!” Again, heel Bayley is gold.

I was SO looking forward to hearing the poem Bayley had created for the moment, but we were robbed of this verbal eloquence by the interruption of Bliss Cross Applesauce (this is the other segment I want released!). Then we had an appearance by The IIconics on the screen (with a RAW logo on the monitor behind them if you weren’t sure what show they’re on), who distracted the champs long enough for Bliss and Cross to attack them from behind.

Like with The New Day, I would avoid a title change here because we just had a change last week. The best thing to do is probably extend both reigns of Bayley through the summer, leading to some kind of final clash with Banks in the fall.

The most interesting long-term prospect regarding Bayley and Banks is just how will fans respond to them if some are able to return during their reign? Is my praise of heel Bayley due to her just being that good, or is it buttressed by the lack of fans to give her negative and/or apathetic reactions?

Regardless, I’m enjoying this ride and hope to see it continue.

It was a go-home episode, but did little to really hype me for tomorrow night’s event. My biggest hope is that we are finally done with stories and angles involving Hardy’s substance issues.

One thing to look forward to next week is the debut of Matt Riddle! My immediate thought is he would face Ziggler (seemingly everyone’s first opponent), but with “Performance Center trainees” being used as jobbers, don’t be surprised if poor Leon Ruff takes another (wonderfully-sold) beating.

Until next week, stay safe everyone!