Monday Night RAW – 2/16/10

If you missed Monday Night RAW this week, well you missed one of the most dysfunctional RAWs of the year.  Here’s what happened:

In honor of President’s Day, RAW kicked off this week showing a girl from Iowa singing the National Anthem.

Non-Title Match
Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
WINNER: Sheamus via DQ after referee caught Cody Rhodes attacking Sheamus on the outside

• Mid way through match, Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes came out to ring side.  Ted tried to attack Sheamus and he fought back when the ref wasn’t looking.  He turned around right when Cody started attacking the Celtic Warrior.
• After match, Orton hit an RKO on Rhodes.  Sheamus comes flying in to hit DiBiase with a Pump Kick.  Orton nails an RKO on Sheamus for good measure.

Video Package: John Cena calls out Vince McMahon last week to talk about his plot against Bret Hart, and to inform him that Bret wants a match against him at WrestleMania.

Bret Hart is introduced and comes to the ring, “It’s no shock that Vince isn’t here… I came here to finish things once and for all with Vince McMahon…  I think Vince deserves to have the holy hell beat out of him… It would’ve been so swwe to get that last victory at WrestleMania!”  He thanks the crowd and the superstars for welcoming him back, specifically John Cena for helping him out.  He then says goodbye.

• Backstage: Bret is walking towards the parking lot saying goodbye to everyone he passes.  John Cena tries to convince him to stick around, but Bret says it’s time and he gets in a limo.
• Camera’s follow Cena as he walks away and we hear a CRUNCH sound!  A car backed into the limo Bret just got into and Cena calls for an EMT because Bret’s leg is pin between the door and the car.  The EMTs eventually immobilize the leg and put him in the back of an ambulance.

Non-Title Match
ShowMiz (Big Show & The Miz) vs. MVP & Mark Henry
WINNERS: MVP & Mark Henry via pin fall reversal on The Miz

Justin Roberts introduces our RAW Guest Host, Jerry Springer. He comes to the ring with two security guards and the ring is all decked out to look somewhat like his TV show set.  They’re going to do a segment called, “WWE Superstars most intimate relationships revealed!”

• Springer calls out his first guest Kelly Kelly.  She confesses that she hasn’t been wrestling lately because she’s pregnant and she’s not entirely sure who the father is, but she has ideas.
• Out walks Santino Marella saying “It’s me.  I’m the papa” and recounts the night things happened.
• Kelly then admits that she had to go somewhere else that night to finish the job.
• Michael Cole stands up and says, “That was supposed to be our secret you loose lipped hussy!”
• Jerry Lawler chimes in, “She’s not talking about you, she’s talking about me!”  He then climbs in the ring.
• Springer makes a comment to Lawler, “Isn’t she a little old for you?  I thought you find your girls at recess?”
• Santino looks at Kelly and says, “Wait… If you have a kid with him, don’t you know Grand Master Sexay, you’re kids going to be a screw up!”
• Now The Bella Twins walk out.  Brie says, “We know who was there with Kelly…”, but before she can finish, Nikki say that “Brie’s a man!”  Cat fight ensues!
• Chris Masters walks out and makes his pecks dance.  Kelly is enthralled by him.  Springer tells him to “put a bra on!”  He doesn’t even really say anything when… Eve Torres comes out pissed off because she and The Masterpiece have been a couple.  She fights with Kelly for a bit and then says, “I have a confession too.  I’ve been cheating on Chris, and he’s more man than you’ll ever be…”
• Out walks The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh.  The Punjabi Playboy picks up Eve and plants a kiss on her!
• Jerry Springer goes back to Kelly and says that we have results for a paternity test, but he can’t pronounce the name.  He shows Santino, and he shockingly says…
• HORNSWOGGLE!!! Who comes to the ring and hugs Kelly!  Spring says, “You all are way worse than anything on my show.  I’m out of here,” and starts walking up the ramp.
• Jerry Lawler grabs a mic and stops him saying this was all a charade to freak him out.  However, we have something to reveal tonight, and it’s not ours, it’s yours!  “Some people like their women old, but we know you like your women YOUNG!”
• Out walks Mae Young who attacks Springer with hugs and kisses dragging him towards the back.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ted DiBiase
WINNER: Ted DiBiase via pin fall after hitting Dream Street

ANNOUNCEMENT: The 2nd inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is Antonio Inoki.

Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler show a security camera view of the car accident earlier that pinned Bret Hart’s leg.

Video Package: The Elimination Chamber, “The last opportunity for someone to headline WrestleMania!”

• Cole & King run down the card for THIS Sunday!

Jerry Springer has a Final Thought segment where he speculates what will happen at the Elimination Chamber.

John Cena comes to the ring and grabs the mic.  First he wants to wish Bret Hart well, and second he calls out Batista who we’re expecting to be there.

• Batista appears on the TitanTron… “If we ever are in the same ring again, you’re gonna wish it was a bad dream!”
• Cena responds, “You don’t want none of this!”
• Batista laughs at him, “Next week, I’ll be at RAW in person, and we’ll see if you run your mouth then!”
• Cena says, “You want some!  Come get some!”

John Cena vs. Triple H
WINNER: No Contest

• Sheamus runs in an Pump Kicks Triple H while he’s setting up for the Pedigree.  He then attacks Cena who holds his own for a few moments but gets a Pump Kick too.  Then Sheamus puts Trips up in the Razor’s Edge.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

Okay, when I saw that Jerry Springer was going to be hosting RAW this segment was my biggest fear.  There was a comment made by Ranjin Singh during the segment that says it all, “The Great Khali says, much like this crowd, he thinks this has been a giant waste of time!”  Seriously!  The worst part about it, they keep saying they’re TV-PG and then they have Jerry Springer show themes.  I mean c’mon, I know it was all for show, but Kelly Kelly basically told everyone that she’s a whore and was smiling the whole time about it!  The only real thing I laughed at during the segment was Santino’s comment about Grand Master Sexay, everything else I just rolled my eyes.  I guess I can look on the bright side of WWE being TV-PG… we didn’t have to see Mae Young’s puppies… EWWWW!!!

The matches tonight weren’t all that great.  For the most part they were very short!  Slightly upset with that because they actually could’ve had a great card, but because of the Springer segment taking up a chunk of the show they didn’t get their full time.