WWE Raw: Results, Highlights, Analysis, and Grades for April 2

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It’s time for one last WWE Raw before WrestleMania. Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle come face to face with Stephanie McMahon and Triple H. Plus, what’s up with The Undertaker?

Previously on WWE Raw, John Cena defeated Kane in a no DQ match, building to WrestleMania 34 and not WrestleMania 26 like you would think. The Miz and his Miztourage put on an Oscar-worthy performance to mess with Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. Nia Jax continued to strike fear into the heart of Alexa Bliss. And Brock Lesnar once again left Roman Reigns in a heap, licking his wounds.

This week, it’s the final event for the flagship show before WrestleMania. All roads lead to New Orleans after tonight, so it’s time to put up or shut up for the Raw superstars. Advertised for tonight is a face to face encounter between Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Kurt Angle, and Ronda Rousey. The mixed tag match between the quartet at WrestleMania will be Rousey’s official debut – though she’s already had her fair share of encounters with The Authority. Will this meeting go down smoothly?

The WWE Universe still hasn’t seen nor heard from The Undertaker, despite John Cena’s best efforts to bring him back for one more Mania match. Cena has no match yet, so he’s vowed to go as a fan if he can’t convince Taker to fight. But with time running out, the Dead Man still hasn’t answered Cena. Will tonight be the night? Or does Big Match John need a ticket for WrestleMania?

Seth Rollins and Finn Balor are set for a WrestleMania triple threat match against Intercontinental Champion The Miz. But after the past few weeks, tensions are high between the two challengers. So tonight, they’ll go one on one in a rematch from March 12. Who will reign supreme heading into NOLA?

There’s a lot of questions heading into WrestleMania, as well. Roman Reigns has gotten his butt handed to him by Brock Lesnar two weeks in a row – will he go for the trifecta tonight? Nia Jax has been itching to get her hands on Alexa Bliss for weeks – can the champ continue to evade her for another week? And Braun Strowman needs a tag team partner before WrestleMania – who will it be?

Related Story: WWE Raw: 5 Predictions for April 2, 2018

Please follow along with out live WWE Raw review for April 2, right here starting at 8 p.m. ET.

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It’s Amazing What You’ll Find Face to Face

Not wasting any time tonight, I see. Guess we need to save some time for John Cena to yell DO SOMETHING for 45 minutes once the National Championship tips off.

Regardless, we’re kicking things off with the much-promoted face to face encounter between Ronda Rousey, Kurt Angle, Stephanie McMahon, and Triple H. The Coach is out there to moderate, which should immediately send up a red flag – this is going to be awkward.

Wisely to some, infuriating to others, Triple H takes the lead for the segment. As much as you may dislike Triple H the character, you really can’t deny that he understands the medium. Sure, he spent the better part of two decades making everything all about him, but it wasn’t like he was Erik Watts only getting a big spot because of his family. H is pretty dang good, though probably not the best.

So Trips takes charge to keep the segment churning along, and it’s not bad. It’s pretty predictable, and there’s probably better ways to continue the build to this one. But we’ve already seen these two teams get physical, so to have a predominantly verbal confrontation is kind of a step back. That’s pretty much WWE in a nutshell, though, isn’t it? Two steps forward, one step back?

The contrived table spot at the end of the segment was god-awful, but hey – it’s a major angle involving a McMahon. You’re not getting anything better.

I will say this: This wasn’t great, but it was the best use of Rousey on the mic to date. Probably because she didn’t have to talk the whole time. But Stephanie’s comments about “how [Rousey] handles losing” was a low class low blow. Like, maybe realize that’s not a line you should be crossing?

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Bayley vs. Sonya Deville (w/ Paige & Mandy Rose)

Result: Bayley defeated Sonya Deville via pinfall

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

First things first: My wife is a WWE fan by association. She’ll go to shows, she’ll watch if it’s on TV, but she won’t seek it out. When she saw the WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal trphy with the ribbon tied around the handles, her response was, “Oh, she got her tubes tied.” Maybe it does look like what everyone says it looks like?

Second, she’s really aggravated at Coach’s voice. She says he sounds like tom Arnold, so all she can think of is Roseanne. Now I can’t unhear this, and I’m sad because the alternative is Booker T, and we all know how I feel about that.

The reason I bring all this up now is because, sadly, I needed a distraction from the early part of the match. Nothing before the commercial break was especially good, and Bayley’s attempted arm drag from the top rope was a disaster. The second half of the match picked things up a bit, though; Deville in particular looked great in the latter part of the contest.

The post-match brawl that brought Sasha Banks to the ring was the clearest evidence yet that we don’t need a Sasha-Bayley match at this year’s WrestleMania. One day, yes. But even though this has been brewing for months, it’s not the right time to blow it off. How many feuds continue after WrestleMania? Not many. It’s the place things go to end for good. There’s a lot more to the Sasha-Bayley story, and continuing it in the battle royal is the right call.

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The Numbers Don’t Lie

Look, nothing I can write here is going to change your mind about Asuka. You either think she’s a tremendous competitor who deserves everything she’s gotten in her career, or you think it’s ridiculous that they’re hyping this extended undefeated streak.

But Asuka getting the Royal Rumble-esque numbers breakdown video should show you just how impressive her streak really is. The header on this section of the review is Exhibit A – 908 days since her NXT debut, nary a blemish on her record. That doesn’t seem possible, but there it is.

How about a 523 day reign as NXT Women’s Champion? Not to mention, a reign that ended voluntarily? 256 victories to zero losses is nothing to sneeze at, either – remember, Goldberg had the undefeated streak for the longest time, and he didn’t get to 200.

One thing I hadn’t considered: Asuka is a sole survivor from a Survivor Series match and a Royal Rumble winner. It’s one of those stats you never think anyone keeps – like when you’re watching a baseball game and the guy at bat is 1-6 against left handed pitchers in day games played on artificial turf. Sure, she’s the only woman to hold that distinction as the only woman to win a Royal Rumble, but it’s still unique.

Hopefully the streak stays intact through this Sunday and beyond. It’s great for the future possibilities, even if that means this is the last time I write about Asuka on a Monday night.

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Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins

Result: Seth Rollins defeated Finn Balor via pinfall

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Props to The Miz for showing up for commentary less than a week after his kid was born. But bigger props to Maryse for letting him out of the house. I won’t get into the whole “paternity leave” thing besides saying you should have the opportunity to stay home and be a dad, but at least he was able to be there for the birth. And you could tell it was not The Miz talking about his daughter – it was Mike Mizanin, and it was (too) sweet to see.

But against the backdrop of Miz basically pulling out his wallet with an accordion file of baby pics, Rollins and Balor tore the house down again. Well, when they weren’t forced into rest-holds so they could squeeze in a Nakamura ad mid-match. There was a hot open, and a pretty fast paced ending, but the middle was a little slow. Couple that with commentary being all about Mikey and his baby, and the match was a bit underwhelming for what it could have been.

I think part of the problem with wrestling today is that too many guys wrestle “for TV.” Don’t get me wrong, the product today is a billion times better than my formative years as a fan, at least in terms of match quality. But I feel like everything is paced for broadcast, and not for what actually makes sense. Rollins and Balor spent parts of this match practically killing themselves because it looks good on television – but they’re six days away from the biggest night of the year. Save yourselves!

I appreciated the tease/callback to the finish from their last match – the superplex/Falcon Arrow combo that Finn blocked into a rollup. Even better was the tease to their first match back at SummerSlam 2016 – the powerbomb into the barricade that ripped apart Finn’s shoulder. Mix that all together with everything except the middle of the match, and you have an all-time classic.

I’m pretty hyped for the Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania, and this only added to the excitement. Hopefully Miz uses his Hollywood money to get an au pair so he can sleep between now and Mania so everyone is at their peak for Sunday.

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At Least They’re Not Playing Tug of War Over the Championship

Roman Reigns has a problem with Brock Lesnar not showing up to work. When Brock finally showed up, he beat a suspended Reigns to practically within an inch of his life. The following week, Brock gloated about it, and Reigns again showed up despite supposedly not being there. And again, Reigns was whupped pretty good.

So this week, in the go-home episode of WWE Raw, the last show before the biggest show of the year, the tease is there won’t be any contact between the two. Well, then.

It’s a great video, as always, but it’s a real shame that so much work has to go into recapping what’s already happened. Here’s a helpful tip to anyone who tells stories for a living: If the work that you’ve put in for several weeks of programming can be summarized in a five minute video, there’s too much fluff.

After the video, there’s a quick cut to Paul Heyman backstage on the phone. Kurt Angle walks over and begs Heyman not to do anything that is going to incite Roman Reigns to hurt Brock Lesnar before WrestleMania. I’m not only impressed he remembered his lines, but that he kept a straight face trying to deliver it. Has Kurt watched the past few weeks, or has he been too busy training with “Ronda Rowdy”? Heyman’s reaction is priceless, but he agrees, so you know there’s going to be a brawl later tonight.

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Are We Sure That’s Not a Dudley?

The Bar comes out and tries to scare Braun Strowman, because that has a chance of working. Their tact? Claiming that Braun will never stand a chance against them because he won’t know what his partner is thinking may sound like a good idea on paper. But in practice, Braun don’t care.

In case there was any doubt about that, Strowman makes his way out to the stage. He’s still adamant about not needing a partner, which should be pretty clear by now. But he’ll play along, and he’s got a partner backstage!

Sheamus and Cesaro don’t buy it, so they try and call Braun’s bluff. The Monster Among Men says his partner will come out, but only if he gets a match against one of the tag champs. They agree, and Braun goes to get his mystery partner.

Is it Samoa Joe? Neville? Rey Mysterio? A double bass? James Ellsworth? Nope, it’s

Monster Dudley

BRAINS STROWMAN. You know, Braun, but with a sleeveless oxford shirt and eyeglasses. BECAUSE HE’S BRAINY, THE OPPOSITE OF BRAWNY. It’s ridiculous, and stupid, but who cares? It’s an excuse for Braun to beat two guys up.

My favorite part of the segment? Corey Graves playing along that it was two different guys, right up to the point “Brains” took the glasses off. “OH MY GOD, IT’S BRAUN STROWMAN” is line of the night. Of course, Braun took out both Sheamus and Cesaro, because tag team wrestling is a damn joke on Monday nights.

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Goldust vs. Matt Hardy

Result: Matt Hardy defeated Goldust via pinfall

Rating: 1.75 out of 5 stars

Earlier today, I was at home watching That 70’s Show reruns on Comedy Central. One of the episodes I watched was the wrestling episode, where the gang traveled a few towns over to see a WWF house show. Matt and Jeff Hardy played two of the superstars who competed, and it was a trip seeing pre-Team Extreme Hardy Boyz in a ring.

I bring that up to say Matt’s been around for a while, and he’s finally a pretty big deal. Yeah, he was big in TNA, but they don’t have the reach like WWE does. And yes, he’s participating in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on the WrestleMania Kickoff Show, and not a big spot. But he main evented Raw a few weeks back, and The Ultimate Deletion was overall pretty successful. Good for him!

So the match against Goldust was just kind of a match. There was nothing either really good or really bad about it, but nothing really memorable, either. It was honestly just a way to get two battle royal participants on the go-home show. At least Goldie got to cut a pre-match promo?

I also feel like WWE is positioning Matt as the frontrunner from Raw to actually win the battle royal. I don’t see that happening at all, but what do I know?

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I Don’t Have a Match at WrestleMania, So See Me in Blockers! In Theaters April 6!

John Cena, at present, is the dirt worst. He’s the guy who has spent his whole life on top, loses out on a promotion, and whines about it to all his friends who have never gotten a promotion in the first place. “Oh, you don’t understand what it means to be in my spot, I don’t have any power…” “Dude, I make 12 bucks an hour flipping burgers, you have a car that costs more than my annual salary…” “OH, WOE IS ME!”

Cena tries to defy the people approaching his terrible situation with logic by shooting down that logic as illogical. Why doesn’t he enter the ATGMBR? I’D BE TAKING A SPOT AWAY FROM A FULL-TIME SUPERSTAR! Uh, John, there’s no set number of entrants, it’s literally whoever’s left over at the end of the day. PLUS THERE’S A SPOT OPEN, BECAUSE RUSEV IS OUT AND IN THE US TITLE MATCH.

He could be Braun’s partner, or insert himself into any number of matches, but nope – I don’t deserve it because I’ve lost a bunch of times in a row. Hey, he had lost that same number of times in a row minus one before he squeezed his way into the Fastlane match. Guess it wasn’t a problem then, though.

So after basically telling the entire WWE Universe that he had “fun time” with Nikki Bella this morning, Cena again says he’s going to Mania as a fan – unless the Undertaker answers him RIGHT HERE IN ATLANTA.

He doesn’t, Cena is sad and leaves. I’m glad that if WWE is insistent on doing Cena-Taker – even though Taker should stay retired – letting it build until literally the last possible moment is brilliant. Make everyone think he’s not showing up, and they’ll tune in to see if he actually shows up or not. At least that’s my way of thinking.

And if he stays retired and doesn’t show up at Mania, well, deal with the angry fallout later.

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Good Guy Roman, Bad Guy Roman = THE Guy Roman

Since Paul Heyman agreed to Kurt Angle’s request to not incite a brawl, Angle tries to get Roman to do the same. He agrees and doesn’t at the same time? Reigns is like Schrödinger’s Superstar – he’s both great and terrible at the same time, and until he does something we don’t know which.

But Reigns says there’s been too much disrespect from the Lesnar camp to totally give his word to not cause problems. He’s pretty disrespectful to Angle, too, but he’s the top babyface of the company for the foreseeable future. Yay?

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Elias vs. Heath Slater (w/ Rhyno)

Result: Elias defeated Heath Slater via pinfall

Rating: 1.25 out of 5 stars

Elias is prepping for the performance of a lifetime at WrestleMania – even though we still don’t know what he’s doing. But first he’s got to get through Heath Slater. Elias beat Rhyno last week, so now he – oh, the match is done already?

Yeah, this one was pretty pointless. Beat one tag partner one week, you get the other the week after – standard WWE booking. My guess? Elias is going up against Slater and Rhyno to plant a seed that he’ll be Strowman’s tag partner for the tag title match.

Beyond that, there’s not really anything happening. Elias plays the guitar, makes fun of whatever city he’s in, and then has an okay match at best. This one was too short to even get ready for what might happen. If Elias gets thrown into the Intercontinental Title picture, he may have some better matches just by getting more time.

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Braun Has a Suitor

Curt Hawkins runs into Braun Strowman backstage, and offers to be his tag team partner. It sounds like a good idea to me, because it would basically be Braun doing things by himself. But Braun throws him through a wall instead.

Better luck next time, Curt!

Sit Down with Nia Jax

Okay, we need to talk about this awful story.

I totally get what the end game is – the body shamer is going to get her rear end handed to her, and the “different” superstar is going to be victorious. That’s admirable and noble. But the journey to get to that point is a disaster.

Real talk: I’m fat. Have been pretty much my whole life. No matter how much weight I lose, no matter how many marathons I run, no matter what kind of non-physical accomplishments I achieve, I still hear the whispers. Try being a teacher in a middle school – those kids don’t have a filter, or the ability to realize why saying “Mr. H, you’re a big guy” might be wrong, no matter the context.

So when WWE is doing a body shaming story under the guise of it being an “anti-bullying” story, it’s pretty pathetic. Until there’s some form of comeuppance for Alexa Bliss, all this story is is “Oh, Nia, you’re just a fat loser.” Look at Alexa and Mickie’s promo from earlier about “blubbering into her blubber,” and tell me that’s not trash – even if Nia eventually snaps her like a twig.

Nia deserves a lengthy title run just for putting up with this garbage. You think Piggie James was bad back in the day? This is nothing compared to that. WrestleMania can’t come soon enough, man.

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Alexa Bliss & Mickie James vs. Dana Brooke & Asuka

Result: Dana Brooke & Asuka defeated Alexa Bliss & Mickie James via submission

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Quick, tell me if you’ve heard this one: Asuka is in a match, and at the first sign of trouble commentary flips out about the streak being in jeopardy.

The caveat here, though is that this is a tag team match, and if her partner – Dana Brooke – takes the pin, the streak still ends. So I’ll allow the streak talk, since the odds of Dana eating a pinfall are pretty high.

Even though the outcome is never really in doubt, there’s some drama in this one. Dana looked pretty good in the early going, and played face in peril to a T. Asuka freaking out on the apron was a nice touch, because even though she’s been in danger of losing a handful of times over the past few years, she hasn’t had the chance to really show fear. It’s a new dynamic for The Empress of Tomorrow.

But, of course, Asuka gets the hot tag, and immediately goes to town on Mickie James, securing a submission victory to keep the streak in tact and head into her WrestleMania match against Charlotte Flair. Before she heads to SmackDown Live, however, she needs to be part of a post-match attack by Alexa and Mickie to bring Nia to the ring.

Once again, Alexa evades Nia, but the crowd pop when she briefly got caught was loud. And that’s why WWE continues with this awful story – because they think the payoff is worth it. Anyway, Nia takes out Mickie and stares down an intimidated Alexa, and we head to NOLA.

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Paul, Say Something Stupid

After Lesnar and Heyman entered the ring, but before they said a word, a bunch of the finest superstars to appear on Main Event on a weekly basis formed a human wall between the stage and the ring. Clearly they forgot that Roman Reigns spent YEARS of his career entering the ring from the crowd.

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But Heyman pretty much follows what Kurt Angle asked him to do – all he did was talk box office and hype the match. He finally mentions that Lesnar and Reigns are the only two superstars to hold WrestleMania victories over the Undertaker. And is is usually the case, he calls the notion that Lesnar will defeat Reigns not a prediction, but a spoiler.

Interestingly, Heyman drops that if Reigns defeats Lesnar at WrestleMania by some flukey miracle, no one will ever see Lesnar in WWE again. He’s also claiming that when Lesnar wins, we’ll see him in UFC, so who knows what the hell is going on. The talk about no one having the money to pay Lesnar “what he’s deserved” makes me think there’s something brewing with a potential new challenger for Brock post-Mania. I’ve heard Bobby Lashley’s name thrown around, but the “money” aspect seems to exclude him – unless there’s something I don’t know about Bobby Lashley.

Of course, Roman Reigns never follows directions, so out he comes. When the human wall won’t let him pass, he makes a crack about full-time vs. part-time, and it’s like Moses parting the Red Sea. Five Superman Punches put Lesnar down, and Reigns poses with the Universal Championship before being caught with an F5.

A few things to remember here: Reigns never hit the spear tonight, so that move is now heavily protected come Sunday. Lesnar getting up from multiple Superman Punches means we’ll likely see at least two spears before the night is over. And with Lesnar standing (mostly) tall, there’s a better than likely chance that Reigns leaves New Orleans as the new Universal Champion. But you knew that already, right?

Next: 3 Superstars Who Need a Win at WrestleMania 34

Overall, it was a pretty lousy go-home show for WrestleMania. Only one match was any good, and most of the non-match segments didn’t really do as much to build Mania as would be expected. Next week’s post-Mania episode should be intense though. What did you think of this week’s episode of WWE Raw?