IMPACT Wrestling AXS TV Premiere Oct. 29: Results, Highlights and Grades

The Desi Hit Squad vs. Rich Swann and Willie Mack

The Desi Hit Squad’s manager, Gama, orders them to attack Mack and Swann before the match officially begins. After the bell rings, the best friends get the advantage quickly with a couple double team moves. But Desi Hit Squad cheat (i.e. kick to Swann’s back from the illegal man) to get back into this one, but it doesn’t last too long.

Frequent tags from the Desi Hit Squad. Most notably, they hit a sweet backbreaker/knee to the temple combo for a two count. They attempt another tag move, but Swann uses some acrobatic offense to fight his way into a hot tag to Mack. Willie Mack runs wild with a comeback spot on both opponents.

“That’s a lot of ass, brother!” Says Don Callis on commentary about Mack. For reasons. Just wanted to point that little quote out. For reasons.

Anyway, Swann back in, gets double teamed and following a double team DDT, nearly loses but kicks out. Swann and Mack back in this following a Stunner from Mack and a Springboard Cutter from Swann. Swann tags Mack back in to put the exclamation point on this match with their tag team finisher for the win.

Winners: Swann, Mack

Grade: C-

Just a notch below the average squash match, but that’s pretty much what this was. Desi Hit Squad are usually fall guys anyway, and knowing that, it was hard to get into this one. But thanks to some cool looking tag team action, this was somewhat entertaining.

Rhino is backstage hassling producers about where RVD is until he’s told RVD is on vacation. An angry Rhino challenges RVD to a match at Turning Point, and promises to rip Rob in half with the “GORE! GORE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!”

In his own promo, Moose introduces us to fans who may not know who he is. Swears he’s become the best wrestler in six years, the best MMA fighter after beating Ken Shamrock last Sunday, and on the golf course, swears he’s the best golfer in the world. He then gets in a fight with two old guys he accuses of taking his white ball out the hole, after missing a hole in one. He throws one of the old guys around and literally plops his ball in the hole to call himself the best golfer ever.

Back in the IMPACT Zone, Ken Shamrock addresses his future with IMPACT Wrestling.

He says he didn’t think he’d ever wrestle again, but surprised himself in his match with Moose. While soul searching to figure out what’s next, he concludes that …

Before he can finish his sentence, IMPACT’s newest signee Joey Ryan hits the stage with a lollipop in his mouth. He puts the lollipop in his trunks “for later” before speaking. Ryan says he thinks Ken has one more mountain to **looks at his own crotch** climb.

Ken doesn’t know who Ryan is at first, but Ken finally recognizes Ryan as “The Penis Guy.” Accurate. Ken thinks it’s pretty cool and funny, but in a real match, “a real fighter” like himself could beat “a gimmick” like Ryan any day of the week.

“That’s a little stiff, no pun intended.” Ryan says Ken is “scared to touch it.”

Ken clarifies to say he wasn’t about to say he’s retiring. He was going to put IMPACT on notice and for anyone who gets in his way, including Ryan,  “I’ll be your Huckleberry.” Ryan asks Ken to handshake agree to a future match next week. Shamrock goes for a handshake, but Ryan tries to get Ken to “touch it.” Shamrock shoves Ryan away, and the heel runs off.

Grade: A

Joey Ryan and Ken Shamrock is not a combination I ever thought I’d see in my life, but now I’m dying to see it. By that logic, given how the definition of a promo is meant to promote matches and sell people like me on matches, this was a great segment; mission accomplished.