Monday Night RAW – 3/1/10

RAW hits Oklahoma City this week and we’re officially less than one month away from WrestleMania!  Who will start to gain momentum as we move closer to wrestling’s biggest night of the year?  Find out here:

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and takes a microphone.  “There’s a buzz around the locker room.  People think I’m crazy for going against The Undertaker at WrestleMania… not one of them believes I can do it.  I know and everyone else knows I’m Mr. WrestleMania.  I believe I can end the streak… for those who don’t believe i nme come out here and tell me I can’t win!”

• To everyone’s surprise, Triple H‘s music hits.  He walks to ring.  Shawn is stunned, “You of all people.  My friend for 15 years…”
• Trips cuts him off, “NO SHAWN I don’t believe you can beat The Undertaker, I KNOW YOU CAN!  I’ve wrestled everyone in this business, you’re the best I’ve been in this ring with… you’re in a class by yourself…”  Trips then offers a chance for them to reunite again as DX to invoke their rematch clause for the Unified Tag Titles.
• Shawn is hesitant saying, “I appreciate that, but we’re going down separate paths…”
• Trips replies, “You know, you don’t have to defend the titles for what, thirty days…  Well twenty-eight days from now will be Monday Night RAW, the night after WrestleMania.  I believe that you will still be here the night after and you will beat The Undertaker!  What do you believe?”
• Shawn’s mood changes, “I believe we’ve got some tag titles to win tonight!”

Backstage:  Guest hosts, Cheech Marin & Tommy Chong are with The Bella Twins who welcome them and offer a backstage tour.  Cheech follows while Chong stays behind.  Hornswoggle enters the room and Chong says, “I watch this show enough to know I’m not hallucinating, you’re real!”  Hornswoggle brought him some Lucky Charms and for some reason Chong starts tripping out!

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase
WINNER: Orton via DQ

• Cody Rhodes came down and got involved with the match and it went to hell.  DiBiase and Rhodes beat down Orton for a little bit, but eventually Randy fought back and stood tall.

Backstage: Bret Hart arrives at the building and gets out of his limo with a cast on his leg.

Backstage: Chong is in the office with Eve Torres and he’s running his hands through her hair and says he’s got an idea for a Diva Pajama Pillow Fight… Eve talks and it sounds like William Regal…

• Cheech comes back and asks him what he’s doing.  He sees the Lucky Charms and says “you’re a diabetic and you know if eat this you’ll go on a sugar trip.”  Then informs him that he has been running his hands through William Regal’s hair for real and he looks really upset!
• Chong then chimes in, “Can I still hang with Kelly Kelly?”  Turns out it’s Chris Masters and his dancing pecs.
• Hornswoggle then comes back in the ring and convinces Cheech to try some of his “magically delicious” cereal and they both start tripping out!

Video Package: John Cena & Batista‘s rivalry as of late

Money In The Bank Qualifier
Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
WINNER: Swagger via pin fall after hitting the Gut Wrench Power Bomb in about a minute

John Cena comes to the ring.  “Dave Batista was smart enough to align himself with Vince McMahon… business… We’ve been in WWE a long time and now he’s got a problem with me… I have a mian event match for WrestleMania against Batista!”  Calls him out.

• Batista comes to the ramp with security.  Cena pokes fun at him for it calling him a pansy, but Batista informs him that it’s for Cena’s protection.
• Batista then goes on a rant.  “You want to know why I did what I did last week?  I want to face you at WrestleMania… You and I came up together, but we couldn’t be any more different… for some insane reason this company has labeled you ‘The Man,’ the face of WWE… It should’ve been me, so I did what I did last week for two reasons… To prove to all these people that I’m better than you, and the fact that I can’t stand you!”
• Cena replies, “You better focus up if you want to remain WWE Champion!  Everyone in the WWE Universe knows I give my all fr this business… you’re all for yourself and that’s real talk!
• Batista irritated says, “I’m here to make money and win titles.  I’m not here for them (points to crowd)… Every time you and I are in the ring together, bad things happen to you… you can’t beat me!”  Batista walks away

Backstage: Cheech and Chong are still tripping out on Lucky Charms.  Chavo Guerrero is there pissed because they put him in a fake mustache and a sombrero… Primo & Carlito are there too with fake mustaches and “vintage” Cheech red beanies on, they’re upset because he calls them Mexican when they’re Puerto Rican.  He then starts talking to a woman, it’s Katie Lea Burchill and she’s upset because they put her in a fake mustache and they don’t realize she’s British.  Yoshi Tatsu walks in with a nice suit on (and a fake mustache) and says something in Japanese.  Cheech calls him a “grouchy tuna roll!”  A knock on the door happens and it’s a chicken in a cage.  In Santino’s voice it says “The Diva’s Pajama Pillow Fight is coming soon!”

Money In The Bank Qualifier
Zack Ryder with Rosa Mendes vs. MVP
WINNER: MVP via pin fall after hitting a Play Maker in a couple minutes

Cheech and Chong are introduced to the crowd and come to the ring.  They bring out the Diva’s for the Pajama Pillow Fight.

• Participants include: Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, Maryse, Jillian Hall & Alicia Fox
• WINNER: Eve Torres via pin fall

ANNOUNCEMENT:  The next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is Mad Dog Vachon.

Vince McMahon comes to the ring and introduces Bret Hart to the crowd.  Bret hobbles down to the ring area on his broken leg.  Bret takes the mic, “You’ve treated me like a piece of garbage since I’ve been back.  If you’re serious about letting me have my final farewell, you’ll get the hell out of here right now!”

• Vince tells Bret, “I didn’t invite you out here for your final farewell, I lied… wasn’t it you who challenged me to a match at WrestleMania?  You didn’t come back to make things right… you wanted to fight me.  Then why not fight me Bret!  Don’t you want your dream to come true?!?”
• Bret replies, “I know what you’re trying to do… I’ve got a broken leg, idiot!”
• McMahon’s a little disappointed, “Your last name used to stand fr something, but you have no heart… you’re a coward!”  McMahon then kicks the crutch out from under Bret causing him to fall over.  McMahon gets out of the ring and heads up the ramp.
• Bret struggles to his feet and says, “You want a match at WrestleMania?  You got it!”
• McMahon confident says, “To show you the physical condition I’m in, next week I’ll face John Cena.”

Unified Tag Team Title Match
DX vs. Big Show & The Miz (Champions)
WINNERS: ShowMiz via jack knife pin fall after The Miz countered Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels

• DX had the match well in hand when The Undertaker’s image appeared on the Titan Tron distracting HBK momentarily allowing The Miz to get back his wits.
• After the match, Shawn Michaels is pissed off that they lost, he doesn’t even want Triple H to console him or help him up.  Shawn storms to the back.
• Triple H bewildered in the ring gets attacked from behind by Sheamus who came through the crowd.  Sheamus beats the crap out of him.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

Okay, this bull shit has to stop when it comes to Monday Night RAW.  Four matches tonight in a two hour time span.  Two of which were MITB Qualifiers and they were BOTH squash matches!  WTF?!?  The other two matches had some sort of outside influence into their outcomes.  I’m so sick of this!  Can’t anyone in the WWE put on a decent match anymore on RAW with a clean ending?  Can WWE Creative come up with anything else when it comes down to match finishes?  Does WWE Creative even know what wrestling is?  I mean your paychecks do say World WRESTLING Entertainment, right?  Well watching Cheech and Chong tripping balls off Lucky Charms for three segments of a wrestling show that had only four total matches, that’s such crap!

Again I have to bring up the fact that WWE has a TV-PG rating, and they choose to bring in Cheech and Chong, two of the biggest stoners in history to host the show.  Quit kidding yourself WWE.  Get rid of the TV-PG rating already and people will stop getting on your ass about it!

In all honesty, this episode of RAW was a giant waste of time for me.  They’re doing too much in the way of story line trying to escalate rivalries in the few short weeks before WrestleMania.  Maybe if they went back to a PPV every other month I wouldn’t have story line overload every week… nah, it’s WWE, they’ll never do anything logical like that!