Monday Night RAW – 3/8/10

Continuing down the Road to WrestleMania, WWE now has to deal with another force, that of TNA Wrestling.  Here’s what WWE offered its fans on the first RAW of the new Monday Night War:

The Undertaker comes to the ring, “Last week has been symbolic of what Shawn Michaels‘ life has become since being number seventeen in the streak… Shawn’s obsession with removing this dark cloud will cost him the ultimate price, his career… It brings me no joy in saying this, but in three weeks Shawn Michaels’ career will rest in…”

• Interrupted by HBK, “Not tonight, you don’t get to finish your line… last week, I had an epiphany.  The reason I cost you the title was because I had to.  You last week interfered in my match and you didn’t have to.  It occurred to me, inside that cold black heart exists FEAR!”
• Taker responds, “Now if I were you, I’d choose my next words very carefully…”
• Shawn respond “FEAR!  You’re the only one who knows how close I came!  You tried to intimidate me.  You think I’d put that on the line if I didn’t think I’d beat you?  No one lives a perfect life Undertaker.  Nothing lasts forever, and at WrestleMania I’ll prove it!”
• Taker snickers, “I don’t know if I’m looking at a man full of pitiful desperation.”
• Shawn fires back, “Last year, I would’ve taken anything.  Count out.  DQ.  Just to get my hand raised.  Not this year.  That’s why I’m proposing no DQ, no count out.  It’s by pin fall or submission…”
• Taker looks like he’s pondering the idea.  “So it shall be.  You have chosen your own demise.  I see the fire, the passion.  I can see you honestly believe you can defeat me… not this year!  You may be the greatest to step in this ring, but on March 28th, I will open the gates ofhell and unlease a fry that no mortal man has ever seen!”
• HBK has a deadpan expression, “You keep telling yourself that… after WrestleMania the dark cloud is going to follow you and haunt you for the rest of your life.  The image you will see is HBK ending your undefeated WrestleMania streak!”

Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox & Katie Lea Burchill
WINNERS: Kelly, Eve, Gail via submission after Eve locked on a flying arm bar on Maryse

Backstage: Guest host and Illusionist, Criss Angel, and Hornswoggle are talking in the makeshift office.  The Bella Twins walk in and ask to be his lovely assistants.  Angel responds that he doesn’t normally use twins in his act, but decides to give them a demo of what he does.  He takes a piece of string, starts to eat it, and then pulls it out of the tear duct in his eye!

• Jillian Hall enter the room and wants to sing for Criss Angel, but thank God Criss makes her voice disappear!

ShoMiz makes their way to the ring.  The Miz talks about how John Morrison & R-Truth “earned” their way to a number one contender spot against them at WrestleMania, and he mocks them.

Non-Title Match
ShoMiz (The Miz & Big Show) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
WINNERS: No Contest

• Right off the opening bell the referee lost total control of the contest as all four men started brawling on the floor.

Video Package: The rivalry between John Cena & Batista

Backstage: Josh Matthews with John Cena, “Batista was right last week.  I can’t beat him… Apparently he’s got my number.  The only thing I can do is go out there and beat him!”

Backstage: Evan Bourne is with Criss Angel and is appreciative that he’s got a Money in the Bank Qualifying match.

• Interrupted by William Regal and his NXT Rookie, Skip Sheffield.  Regal makes a comment at Bourne, his opponent later, and Bourne leaves.
• Sheffield wants to see a mind freak, so Angel obliges to Regal’s displeasure.  Has Regal write down a number on a pad of paper, and guesses it correctly.

Video Package: Downfall of Legacy at the Elimination Chamber.

Two on One Handicap Match
Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase
WINNER(S): Rhodes & DiBiase via pin fall after DiBiase hit Dream Street

• After match, Rhodes hit his finisher, Cross Rhodes, and they mock Randy with his old pose.

Backstage: Josh Matthews with Batista, “I think Cena has never dealt with someone like me and it’s messing with his head… I will NOT get involved in his match tonight!”

ANNOUNCEMENT: Stone Cold Steve Austin will host RAW next week!

Triple H comes to the ring.  A video package is show of Sheamus jumping him last week.  Trips takes mic, “I respect what Sheamus did last week…”

• Sheamus decides to interrupt, “I’ll make a statement out of you at WrestleMania.  The question is, do you have the guts?”
• Trips responds, “You’ve had a great first year, but until you make a name fr yourself at WrestleMania, your accomplishments mean nothing!”  Trips then explains to him that there aren’t many people who’ve made their name offhim at WrestleMania and asks him if he’s willing to take that gamble?
• Sheamus backs off, but then tries to attack Trips.  A brawl breaks out all over the ringside area.  Trips stands tall as Sheamus backs up the ramp!

Backstage: Santino Marella introduces himself to Criss Angel and tries to show him a trick, the removable thumb!

• Angel shows him his Russian Roulette trick with 4 cups and a sushi knife.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Evan Bourne vs. William Regal with Skip Sheffield
WINNER: Bourne via pin fall after hitting Air Bourne

Video Package: Last week, Vince McMahon baits Bret Hart into a match at WrestleMania even though he has a broken leg.

Criss Angel comes to the ring and introduces the competitors for the main event of the evening.

Mr. McMahon takes the mic before the match begins and makes his match a Handicap Gauntlet match

Handicap Gauntlet Match
John Cena vs. Vince McMahon (Vladimir Kozlov, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, Batista)
WINNER: McMahon via pin fall after Batista hit a Spear and a Batista Bomb on Cena

• Kofi Kingston tried to come out and save Cena but got a Batista Bomb for his trouble.
• After match, Batista stands in his spotlight over Cena’s prone body.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

The opening sequence was good, but not great.  All of a sudden HBK goes from being paranoid and pissed to confident that The Undertaker is afraid of losing to him.  I don’t know how believable that was.  Seriously, that doesn’t really happen in that short of a timespan.  It takes time to build yourself up to get to a point of confidence, especially against someone the likes of The Undertaker and “the streak.”

The women’s match was a waste of space on the card.  Not even worth talking about.

In all honesty, the best match of the night was the handicap match with all the members of Legacy.  It carried over the hour mark and went on for about ten to fifteen minutes.  It was great back and forth action, and we heard a chant of “RANDY! RANDY!” something I don’t think I’ve heard since back maybe during Evolution days.  Bravo to those guys for keeping my interest in a handicap match because usually they suck!

Criss Angel was a weak guest host.  Sorry, but even though I’m a fan of magic and the Mind Freak himself, he didn’t really bring anything to the table.  On a positive note, at least he didn’t call something SummerFest.  Looking forward to Stone Cold next week!

Main event was total BS.  I knew it wasn’t going to be something fair when it was announced last week by the Chairman.  It just doesn’t make sense to have a match against John Cena when you’re not a regular superstar.  It was mainly a way to get Batista and McMahon more heat going into WrestleMania, and it worked.