Monday Night RAW – 3/29/10

Now that WrestleMania is over, what would the landscape of the RAW roster look like?  Is The Animal still on top of the food chain or is “The Champ” here again?  Find out what went down, right now:

Video Package: WrestleMania 26 – Streak vs. Career – The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels – Your winner, The Undertaker.

Batista comes to the ring pissed, “Now I know all of you are expecting me to complain, moan and groan about what happened last night… last night was a fluke! (“YOU TAPPED OUT!”)  I’m entitled to my rematch.  I’ll get my title back!”

• John Cena comes out with the WWE Title.  “Going into WrestleMania there was a guy that said Cena couldn’t beat Batista.  I guess that guy missed WrestleMania… you guys (crowd) must’ve seen WrestleMania, he tapped out!  Tonight, you can regain the WWE Title.  How?  REMATCH!  John Cena vs. Dave Batista for the WWE Title!
• Batista says, “Not tonight!”  Then takes a cheap shot at Cena who fights back.  Batista bails after getting peppered with a few shots.
• Out of the crowd, Jack Swagger attacks Cena from behind with the Money in the Bank case.  He’s knocked Cena loopy, so he calls to get a referee down to the ring, but Cena recovers and tries to lock on the STF.  Swagger escapes and calls it off just as the ref slides into the ring.

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – 1988 debut in WWF with The Rockers

A ton of WWE Legends walk to the ring side area including: Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat Patterson, IRS, Arn Anderson, Roddy Piper, Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garrea & Ricky Steamboat. Jerry Lawler joins them.

• Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, two of the actors from Hot Tub Time Machine (don’t know and don’t care about their names).  Before they tell us about the legends, they make a main event match between Swagger/Batista and Cena/Partner of his choice.  Then they start a match with the legends:

Legend’s Lumberjack Match
Christian vs. Ted DiBiase
WINNER: Christian via pin fall after hitting the Kill Switch

• Mid match, the legends got into a scuffle on the outside.

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – 1992, The Rockers break up on the Barber Shop.

Video Package: WrestleMania week highlights

Backstage: The Hot Tub Time Machine guys are talking.  Santino Marella walks through with a boom box over his head (their co-star John Cusak’s character from Say Anything – 1989).  Two guys head over to a hot tub where four divas (Tiffany, Rosa Mendes & The Bella Twins) are waiting for their “match.”  The guys say the diva who stays in the longest wins.  It’s suggested by one of the Bellas that winner gets a Diva’s title shot, and they agree.  Guys jump in and they have a “Clapper” set up to dim the lights and play music.  They try to get the girls liquored up.

Triple H comes to the ramp with a mic, “Kind of surreal night… I never thought it would end this way for Shawn… It seems like just yesterday when I walked into WWE and met Shawn… A lot of times we had only each other, but we always fought for and with one another…”  Trips continues his speech and is jumped from behind by Sheamus with a pipe.

WrestleMania Rematch – 10 Diva Tag Team Match
Face Divas (Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, Beth Phoenix, Eve Torres, Gail Kim) vs. Heel Divas (Vickie Guerrero, Maryse, Alicia Fox, Layla, Michelle McCool)
WINNERS: Face divas via roll up pin fall by Eve on Maryse when she was posing in the opening seconds.

• After match, Vickie gets in the face of Eve and of her teammates.  Melee breaks out with the face divas standing tall.  Vickie bailed during fight.

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – WrestleMania X – 1994, HBK vs. Razor Ramon – Ladder Match

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – WrestleMania XII – 1996, HBK vs. Bret Hart – 60 min. Iron Man Match

Bret Hart comes to the ring, “First, I want to congratulate Shawn Michaels on a story book career and wish you well for the future… I got my closure, not only did Bret beat Vince (McMahon), the whole Hart Family beat Vince.  I could even feel my mom and dad, Owen (Hart), and (British) “Bulldog” sending down high-fives from Heaven… on behalf of me and my family, thank you!”

• Interrupted by ShoMiz.  The Miz takes the mic, “Really Bret… you beat Vince McMahon in a glorified twenty-five on one handicap match, and you’re proud of that..?  Well kudos to you…  except there’s one problem, you’re a thief.  You’ve stolen time from me that I’ll never get back… I’m the most glorified champion in the WWE.  Last night, in my first WrestleMania match, I won!  1-0!  Seventeen more wins till I break The Undertaker’s streak.  I am awesome!  You’re another word, overrated!  Why don’t you get out of my ring before my fist gives your face closure!”
• Bret stands his ground, “Why don’t you make me?!?”
• Miz looks like he’s going to punch Bret, when he’s stopped by Big Show.  Music hits, and out walks The Hart Dynasty for backup.  ShoMiz leaves the ring.
• Bret throws out a challenge to them against the Hart Dynasty.  Big Show wants no part of it, but Miz hounds him to take the match.

Non-Title Match
ShoMiz vs. Hart Dynasty (DH Smith & Tyson Kidd with Natalya)
WINNERS: Harts via count out as ShoMiz took a walk

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – DX highlights

Backstage: Guest host in hot tub with divas and they look like they’re getting creeped out now.  Tiffany and Rosa leave.  Video monitor behind them shows another one of their co-stars from Hot Tub Time Machine (don’t know his name either) and he’s upset because someone changed his airplane ticket and he’s stuck someplace.  He tells the Bellas they’re both “winners” and that his two buddies have another “hot tub match,” but this time it’s with Mark Henry.  The two guys look scared as Henry climbs in and gets cozy with them.  One guy yells that something bit him, and Hornswoggle pops out of the water with snorkel gear on.

Jack Swagger & Batista vs. John Cena & Randy Orton
WINNERS: Cena and Orton via pin fall after Orton hit RKO on both Batista and Swagger

• Before the match, Swagger cuts a promo saying, “Smells like Money in the Bank!”  He gloats about winning and claims that earlier he was messing around to get in Cena’s head.

Video Package: HBK Highlight Reel – WrestleMania 25 – HBK vs. The Undertaker

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and gets a standing ovation…

• Taker’s music hits.  He walks to the ramp.  Says nothing.  All he does is tip is cap to Shawn and walks away.
• Shawn takes the mic to chants of “PLEASE DON’T GO!”  He speaks, “When I was nineteen I started doing this stuff.  When I was twenty-three I came into your homes.  Now at forty-four, the thought of not coming into your homes on that TV set is going to be hard to get used to.”  Shawn continues, “This ring and you were the only things I had for awhile… there are so many people to thank, but Hunter, I got to thank you for being my friend when nobody liked me.  You never once left my side… I thank you so much for the real friendship for sixteen years…”  Shawn then thanks the crew for making him look good and thanks a specific guy named Adam for cutting all of his video packages.  (“ONE MORE MATCH!”)  Shawn acknowledges the chant, “I don’t want to go back on my word to you or The Undertaker… one more guy I have to thank, Bret Hart… I want to thank him for forgiving me, understanding and believing that I made mistakes… and then there’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon!  There’s no way I could work for anyone else after working for that crazy son of a gun!  I’ve got to thank him for not letting me make bigger mistakes than I did…”
• Shawn then thanks the fans again for letting him showoff for them, thanks Jesus, then says, “Shawn Michaels has left the building!”

QUICK THOUGHTS:

Dammit!  I thought we were going to see someone lose the MITB challenge match.  Swagger is a lucky SOB that the referee is a slow runner!  I still think Swagger is the guy to blow it though.  He’s going to pick the wrong time and then waste that opportunity.

Alright WWE.  I don’t know how many times I’ve said this, but enough already with the guest hosts.  While it was nice to see the divas in their bikinis, these dumb segments backstage take up time from real story lines and matches.  It has got to stop!

As if the 10-Diva tag match didn’t waste enough time on the WrestleMania card, they had to have a rematch that only went 10 seconds!  WWE, I swear to God!  I absolutely hate how you’re destroying the credibility, the history of women’s wrestling!

ShoMiz talking smack to Bret Hart.  That’s right up their alley.  Good little segment.  Finally they get the Hart Dynasty involved in the Bret Hart fan fare.  This is going to end up being a title feud.  I can feel it!

What a send off for Shawn Michaels.  He was getting emotional when he was giving that speech.  That guy has been through a lot of tough times, and lucky for him that he found salvation.  He’s arguably one of the best wrestlers in the history of the business, and I hope that he stays true to his word and has wrestled his last match.  He went out gallantly and even though he lost, he’s still a hero to many.  Thank you Shawn for a fantastic career!  Best of luck to you, now go enjoy spending time with your family!