Monday Night RAW – 4/12/10

If the RAW guest host ideas haven’t been crazy in the past, don’t look now, but your world is about to get rocked by The Hoff!  Here’s what happened last night:

Guest host David Hasselhoff came to the ring after driving to the ring in a car that looked like it was straight out of his old show, Knight Rider.  He quotes The Rock, “Finally The Hoff has come back to Monday Night RAW… Tonight, I’m paying homage to the most watched TV show of all time… BAYWATCH!  So I’m making a Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Tag Team match… I was watching Smackdown the other day and I realized there was no #1 contender for the world title… so at Extreme Rules, Jack Swagger will defend his title against the man who beat him twice, Randy Orton… and why not we have the #1 contender for the WWE and World titles face off tonight against each other?  Randy Orton vs. Batista!”  Hoff then says “we’re going to have a title match right now with the Divas!”

Diva’s Title Match
Eve Torres vs. Maryse (Champion)
WINNER: Eve via bridging roll up pin fall to become the NEW Diva’s Champion

ShoMiz come to the ring.  Big Show candidly admits that he never thought that he and The Miz would be a good match for a team.  He thinks there’s something special now between them.

• Miz makes an announcement, “ShoMiz is the greatest tag team in WWE history!  You could name all the tag teams you want, but you (fans) have no credibility…”
• Interrupted by Bret Hart, “You call yourselves the greatest tag team of all time, give me a break!  I could name two off the top of my head way better than you guys!  The Hart Foundation & The British Bulldogs…  Those were tag teams that were good for years, not months!”
• Miz comments to Bret, “Hasslehoff isn’t the only 90’s star who is delusional… If I were in your era, I’d lock a sharpshooter on you faster than you can put a pair of cheap sunglasses on an ugly kid…  (In British accent) If we faced the British Bulldogs, we’d have no problem slapping their pretty faces around!”
• Big Show then asks calmly to have Bret leave, but Bret refuses and gives them a team on the roster who can beat them… out walk The Hart Dynasty.
• DH Smith takes mic, “Everyone knows my father’s watching tonight, so I’m challenging you Miz tonight.  If I win, the Hart Dynasty gets a title shot at Extreme Rules.”
• After some deliberation, Miz comes back and accepts the challenge with a condition, “If/when I win, next week LIVE on RAW, Bret Hart will declare that ShoMiz is the greatest of all-time!”  The challenge is accepted!

Challenge Match
The Miz vs. DH Smith
WINNER: The Miz via pin fall after Big Show punched Smith in the kidneys while the ref’s back was turned, leading to the Skull Crushing Finale.

Video Package: Look at “A-List” David Otunga hosting RAW last week, screwing over John Cena.

Backstage: Batista and David Otunga are talking about last week.  Batista sends Otunga on a coffee run… he runs into The Hoff and The Bella Twins.  Hoff tells Otunga that it wasn’t he who invited him to RAW, but it was John Cena.  So Hoff decided to make a match between them!

Carlito vs. Evan Bourne
WINNER: Evan Bourne via pin fall after hitting Air Bourne

John Cena vs. David Otunga with Batista
WINNER: John Cena via submission after locking on the STF

• After the match, Batista started getting ready to run down to the ring, but decides better of it saying, “I decide when” in his silly spotlight.

Sheamus comes to the ring, “Last week, Triple H said I made a mistake bringing a pipe to a sledge hammer fight.  I made Triple H show his hand.  The Game only brings his sledgehammer out against some one he fears…  I just got word it’ll be me and Triple H at Extreme Rules in a Street Fight… you by showing up at Extreme Rules will be making the biggest mistake of your career.”

• Interrupted by Kofi Kingston, “It’s funny you talk about mistakes.  If you thought for one second, after you beat me down last week that I wasn’t going to do something about it, you’re sadly mistaken!”  Announces Hoff put them in a match tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus
WINNER: Kofi Kingston via DQ after Sheamus hit Kofi with a TV monitor

• After the match Sheamus wrapped Kofi around the ring post multiple times.

Backstage: Office of The Hoff.  Carlito walks in demanding a rematch.  Hoff not there, but he finds Vladimir Kozlov.  The Russian says, “At least you competed tonight.  I haven’t gotten competition since I’ve been on RAW!”

• Carlito claims guest hosts are the problem and they don’t care about guys like them.  “If I don’t get traded to Smackdown, I’ll quit!”
• Kozlov asks who the guest host next week.  Carlito tells him the cast of the movie MacGruber.  Kozlov says, “Next week I get what I want or I will destroy MacGruber!”

Backstage: Josh Matthews is with Randy Orton and gets his reaction/strategy for Extreme Rules.

• “Extreme Rules means no rules… I don’t play by rules anyways… I’m the last man Swagger would ever want to be in the ring with… As for Batista tonight, well that’s something different.  Something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time!”

Baywatch Babe, Triple Threat Tag Team Match
Special Guest Lifeguard – The Hoff, Special Guest Referee – Santino Marella
Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs. Rosa Mendes & Jillian Hall (All dressed in Baywatch swim suits)
WINNERS: Bellas via small package pin after a Bella Switch

• After match, Santino “swallowed his whistle” and needed to be saved.  Out ran Hornswoggle who hit him with a Tadpole Splash to dislodge the whistle.

Video Package: 2010 European Tour Preview – Closer look at where WWE is going and Superstar reactions.

Batista vs. Randy Orton
WINNER: Randy Orton via DQ after Jack Swagger ran in and hit Orton with the Gut Wrench Power Bomb

• After the match, John Cena ran down and popped Swagger from behind.  Then got in the ring and locked on the STF on Batista.  The Animal tapped, but Cena refused to release the hold till refs pulled him off.  Cena then counted to 10 to symbolize that the STF could finish off Batista in their Last Man Standing match at Extreme Rules.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

Eve the Diva’s Champion… REALLY?  REALLY?  (I feel like The Miz!)  I don’t know about that one WWE.  Just seems too soon to me.

The segment with ShoMiz, Bret Hart, and the Hart Dynasty was great.  Miz’s comments about Bret being delusional had me rolling, not because he was joking on Bret, but it made sense if you saw The Hoff’s over the top opening segment.

Carlito jobs again and now he’s angry (YOU WON’T LIKE HIM WHEN HE’S ANGRY!).  The he says if he doesn’t get traded to SD! he’s going to quit… Boo F’N hoo!  Go away already!

Otunga against Cena was a total squash, but it helped a little to get a bit of revenge for last week’s ordeal.  The Batista/Cena rivalry for me is just boring, so I can’t say it helped me get hyped up for their match at Extreme Rules.

I’m shocked that Triple H didn’t come out at the end of Sheamus’ match.  I half expected it to happen to help put over the sledgehammer since it’s really what got people excited about this rivalry.

The Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Tag Team Match was just a way to get the diva’s in swimsuits wrestling.  Hell some of them wear less when they wrestle normally.  It was a silly excuse to poke fun, I mean pay homage to Baywatch with the slow-motion entrances as they ran to the ring.

Main event was okay.  Once in awhile I like run ins.  This was one.  After Orton was named #1 contender for Swagger’s title, I was hoping they wouldn’t let Orton just win or just lose to Batista.  This was a good way to make Swagger look like a chicken shit heel, and get the fans on Orton’s side even more.