Monday Night Smackdown..?

Yes, you read that title right.  Most of the Monday Night RAW roster is stuck in Europe because of the fallout from that volcano eruption in Iceland has kept planes grounded.  So the Smackdown crew and the few RAW superstars that didn’t make the trip were ready to perform for the WWE Universe.  Here’s what happened:

Triple H comes to the ring as Lillian Garcia announces him.  Says to the crowd, “Don’t suck up to me because I’m the only guy here…”  Trips fills the crowd in on the whole situation with the RAW roster in Europe.  Starts talking smack about his opponent this weekend at Extreme Rules, Sheamus, “If that pasty faced tea bag makes it back from over there, I’m going to beat him any color but white… This Sunday you’re in for a rude awakening pal…”

• Interrupted by the Straightedge Society.  CM Punk takes mic, “Fortunately for this show, the Smackdown crew made it to friendly shores… I’m here to let you know, next week I may not be part of the SD! crew because the draft is coming.  Where I go, I’m bringing the Straightedge Society.”
• Triple H replies, “Both of them…  and while we’re on it, how come they have to shave their heads and you don’t?  I’ve also seen your sweater.  Did she have to shave her chest too?”
• Punk comes back with a joke of his own, “Why was Shawn Michaels bald and you had hair..?  It’s because I’m the leader!  My hair is free of foreign chemicals…”
• Trips comes back with, “You mean like soap and shampoo..?  Thing is, you have a hair match against Rey Mysterio and by the time you’re on RAW you may not only be the leader of the hair club for men, you may be a client.
• Punk is upset, “You think Rey’s going to shave my head and beat me..?  You’re just as naive as these people… after Rey falls in line, they (crowd) will fall in line…”  Offers straightedge to Triple H.
• Trips replies, “Haven’t we had this conversation before on Smackdown?  I don’t agree with you… This is America.  We’re free to do whatever we want.”  Trips goes through the crowd and gives funny examples of why we’re free…  He then threatens Punk.
• Punk doesn’t want to piss off Trips, but demands he join the SES, and Luke Gallows grabs him from behind and they try to shave his head.  Mysterio runs down to save the day.
• Punk gets trapped in the ring, and Trips & Rey take some of his hair off with the clippers, but he’s able to escape without losing all of his hair.

Non-Title Match
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
WINNER: McIntyre via pin fall after he pulled Hardy off the middle rope and Hardy hit his head pretty hard.

Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole are joined via satellite by John Cena.  He’s focused on his match this weekend againts Batista, and he doesn’t care if he has to swim across the Atlantic Ocean, he’ll be at Extreme Rules!

Vladimir Kozlov is in the ring.  He has Jerry Lawler come to the ring to read a very defamatory statement towards Americans.  Kozlov demands competition.

• RAW Guest Hosts, cast of movie MacGruber walk out to ring.  They make a statement about the main event for tonight, Triple H, Rey Mysterio & Edge against Chris Jericho & Straightedge Society.
• MacGruber stands up to Kozlov and calls him “A big pile of suck!”  Then makes fun of Kozlov’s mother.  Decides he’s going to put Kozlov in a match against R-Truth.
• Truth comes to the ramp.  MacGruber tells Kozlov if he tries to run, the building will explode because it’s rigged with explosives.  At that instant, an explosion goes off on the ramp, and Truth disappears, leaving only his shoes behind.
• Kozlov smiles and says he’ll destroy MacGruber later tonight.

Backstage: MacGruber is trying to leave the building as Triple H walks into the room.  Trips notices that he peed his pants, and MacGruber says he’s wearing them for a friend…

• Kane walks in the room and MacGruber says that he was the friend.  Trips asks Kane, and they’re both baffled.  MacGruber leaves and they make motions like he also shit his pants.

Lawler and Cole have Randy Orton live via satellite and he comments that “wherever he ends up is where the World Heavyweight Title will be…”

World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger, comes to the ring.  “Talk is cheap when you’re 3000 miles away Randy.  If you were here, I’d show you exactly why I’m the World Heavyweight Champion!”  He calls for a ref and issues an open challenge to anyone in the back.

LIGHTS OUT… It’s The Undertaker.

Non-Title Match
Jack Swagger vs. The Undertaker
WINNER: Taker via pin fall after hitting the Tombstone Pile Driver

Backstage: SES & Chris Jericho talking/arguing about their match later.  Jericho walks away and runs into the guest hosts.  MacGruber asks Jericho for advice in his match with Kozlov later.  Jericho tells him, “shake his hand, throw him off his game.”

Vladimir Kozlov vs. MacGruber looks to start, but a few moments into the match, a third member of the MacGruber cast comes out and announces it will be a handicap match.  Teaming with MacGruber will be his half-brother Khaluber (The Great Khali).

Vladimir Kozlov vs. MacGruber & Khaluber
WINNER: MacGruber via countout as the two big men fight up the ramp.

Lawler and Cole run down the card for this Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV.

During Triple H’s entrance for the main event, Sheamus appears on the TitanTron.  “I heard you earlier… I know we’re 3000 miles apart, but I’m going to tell you… no I’m going to show you…”  He attacks a production assistant on the set of the interview.

Main Event – Six Man Tag Team Match
Triple H, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Straightedge Society & Chris Jericho
WINNERS: Trips, Edge & Mysterio via pin fall after a combo of a 619 to a Pedigree on Punk

QUICK THOUGHTS:

To quote MacGruber from last night’s show, RAW was a giant pile of suck!  Terrible show!  Seriously, this guest host business has to stop now!  The two feature wrestlers with the guest hosts were Kozlov and Khali… really?  That’s just bad!  Oh, and I thought last week on Smackdown they said Khali was going back to India for vacation..?  There’s something called continuity WWE, you should try it!  Oh, and R-Truth gets blown to bits?  WTF?!?

McIntyre beat Hardy via pulling him off the top rope.  Are you kidding me?  What a cop out of an ending!

Swagger and Taker wasn’t too bad, and neither was the main event, but the BS with the guest hosts caused me to lose interest in most of the show.

After a very brutal Lockdown PPV, what would the atmosphere be on TNA Impact?  The answer is very, very volatile!  Find out what happened, right here: