Predicting Five More ‘ZZ-Types’ WWE Could Sign

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Jason Pierre-Paul (NFL)

“‘Twas the night of July 4th
Outside family and friends linger
All around JPP
Who lost part of his thumb and a finger”
-Edgar Allen Poe (or me)

A man has to get paid! Over the summer, New York Giants’ defensive lineman Jason Pierre-Paul got in a bit of pickle, when he held onto his 4th of July fireworks a smidgen too long. It was a story that sports columnists and tabloid publications dream about. Couple that with the fact that JPP hadn’t signed his $14 million franchise tender for the upcoming season and was sent home by the Giants this week for not healing enough, and you have yourself an athletic specimen with a Zach Gowen-esque gimmick and polished theme music, as featured in his latest Instagram post.

If Vince McMahon claims that WWE is about competing against all entertainment, he could pull off a major coup and sign JPP away from the NFL. Baron Corbin and Tough Enough’s Josh have shown that you can make the transition from pro football to pro wrestling. JPP has the makings of a natural wrestler who would need only a few days to be outperforming fellow New York Giant Lawrence Taylor. And if LT had Bam Bam Bigelow at WrestleMania, maybe JPP vs. Kevin Owens or Samoa Joe is not that far off.

Signing Pierre-Paul would not miff wrestling fans as much as WWE’s signing ZZ, but both talents have been overexposed for the past few months, and for all the wrong reasons.

Here’s a contract you CAN sign, JPP! And time to find an apartment in Orlando, because you’re about to work live events at every armory in Florida.

Next: Brown or White Rice?