Predicting Five More ‘ZZ-Types’ WWE Could Sign

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Chipotle Founder Steve Ells

He is the Steve Jobs of fast food, a man who cracked the code of how to make food healthy and trendy. A man who created a Mexican-ish menu with all the same ingredients included in every type of entree. (You were right, Jim Gaffigan!) So why would WWE sign the head of Chipotle? We don’t know. We could ask you the same thing about ZZ. But it could be a mutually beneficial signing of versatility and convenience.

Steve Ells has a look that could fit poorly in multiple facets of WWE. First he could give docile backstage interviews and be bullied by such brutes as Rusev and Bray Wyatt. Think Mike Adamle meets Scott Stanford meets Napoleon Dynamite. We could put him on commentary, but I feel he would put a restraining order against the Mountain Dew and Sonic Drive-In that usually rests on the table. Lastly, if he did work on his character, he could be the next snively Harvey Wippleman-type heel manager. Petty, spoiled, entitled, and a picky eater.

Another major reason WWE could pursue Ells is because it would be best for business. If WWE superstars could sum up in one word how they stay fit on the road, the answer, as stated by Kofi Kingston, Cesaro and others in GQ, would be “Chipotle.” Suddenly half of Monday Night Raw catering would just be a variety of Chipotle burritos and salads.

As a coincidence, the bare bones design of the WWE Performance Center looks just like one giant Chipotle. So forget USA TV money, let’s just get paid in tacos! Now come on the road, Steve! You’re going to get a great hometown pop in Denver!

Next: Wet Hot American Superstar