WWE Hell in a Cell: 5 Non-Wrestlers to Challenge John Cena

(Potential) New Speaker of the House Paul Ryan

Let’s kick off the list with a straightforward heel, someone so hated The Authority could have genetically engineering him themselves. If the name sounds familiar, Paul Ryan was Mitt Romney’s vice presidential running mate in 2012. He followed in the footsteps of previous GOP running mate Sarah Palin, someone whom you liked right away because they were attractive until they opened their mouth and made you blurt out in your head a full-fledged Ron Simmons “DAMN!”

Paul Ryan would do for Cena what WWE couldn’t do over the past six years: cause 100% of the audience to cheer for Cena. House Representative Ryan was actually reluctant to take the Speaker job, because he recognized how irrational some of his party’s motives were, and didn’t want to further stir the pot. However, rather than respectfully decline, Paul Ryan accepted half-heartedly just like CM Punk accepted his last WWE contract.

Now Ryan is the House Speaker only if the GOP caves to his demands. Nothing extreme, just changing how he can be fired, forcing everyone to like him before he is elected and guaranteeing his family time (while simultaneously supporting legislation to eliminate paid family leave for employees). The chants in the Staples Center would be slightly different.

“Let’s Go Cena!” “Ryan sucks!”

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