5 Ways WWE Can Console Ronda Rousey

No. 2 – Eat Your Feelings

Books have been written about what to eat, how to eat and why we overeat. Talk shows, support groups and surgeries have been created. Some eat to flex their stomach (see the July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest) and some eat to flex their sorrow. Ronda Rousey has actually eaten a bevy of wings after some of her victories, but just like Ryback, both have suffered recent upsets. In the WWE Championship tournament, Ryback surprisingly fell to cruiserweight Kalisto. If not for the fact that Ryback probably works out five hours a day and returns his rental cars by gorilla pressing them over his head, The Big Guy would go the direction of White Goodman from Dodgeball and become so fat they could start calling him “The Big Group.”

Maybe Ryback and Ronda can team up and put a Buffalo Wild Wings out of business. Maybe they go to Golden Corral, eat there for two hours, buy ten take-home boxes or Ryback simply carries the chocolate fountain home with him. This is how some people grieve and if WWE wants to send a sympathy package to Ronda Rousey, it should include a $100 gift card to Waffle House, Denny’s or any other establishment where the minority that go there are those who can see their feet when they stand up. And of course we’re ordering dessert, and nothing says emotional trauma like eating so much sugar you get diabetes overnight.

This actually might be the most efficient way of consoling Rousey. She can get all her week’s eating out-of-the-way in one meal.

Next: No. 3 - In Your Honor