WWE Raw: Results, Analysis, Highlights, and Grades for March 26

John Cena vs. Kane, No Disqualification

Result:  John Cena defeated Kane via pinfall

Rating: 2.75 out of 5 stars

Not going to lie, this is not the kind of match I would have figured to get close to a half an hour. Kane is running for political office, and he’s been MIA for several weeks. His stamina isn’t what it used to be. And we all know Cena’s reputation as Mr. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect – but not a 5-star machine unless his dance partner is similarly going to excel.

With that thirty minutes-ish to go, this one just screamed “TEDIOUS!” Even the no DQ stipulation couldn’t make me hyped for this one, because – besides the perceived match quality – this was set up as the most predictable match in the world. It’s the classic John Cena Match Bingo Card™ – John has another goal in mind so he doesn’t pay attention to this match; John’s opponent continuously gets the upper hand; and John DEFIES THE ODDS and NEVER GIVES UP and wins the match.

And, ho ho ho, looky here: Kane controls the majority of the match, right up until the end – when Cena somehow hits an AA through a table. There was a lot of chaos in this one – ring steps, security barricades, exposed turnbuckles. Cena even pulled a few pages out of Taker’s playbook en route to victory by sitting up, doing the throat slash, and rolling his eyes.

When all was said and done, Cena got on the mic and gave pretty much the same spiel as he’s done since officially challenging Taker at WrestleMania. It’s starting to get old, because it’s so heavy-handed that there’s no way to not have Taker at Mania, but there’s been nothing in the “feud” that should convince Taker to end his unofficial retirement. All it is now is “Cena whines to try and get his way, Taker ignores,” and that’s no way to build a story.

In fact, this is the only match on the Mania card (from the Raw side, at least) that has a pretty terrible build. The mixed tag match is doing gangbusters, all four title matches are super hot right now, and even the battle royals are picking up steam. But Cena vs. “Taker”? Meh.

Next: WWE WrestleMania 34: Predicting Match Results

Speaking of “meh,” the wrestling action on this week’s WWE Raw was pretty meh. But the storytelling aspect of the show was fantastic. One more Raw until WrestleMania!