WWE Superstars as Marvel’s Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Superstars

Star-Lord: Dean Ambrose

At the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy, Peter Quill is an Indiana Jones-type explorer, but he’s also got a history of trouble with the law. He tends to do without thinking, and famously only had 12 percent of a plan to defeat Ronan. But through it all, he has a deep love for his family, and is incredibly hurt by betrayal.

Dean Ambrose seems like the type of guy who’d run afoul of the law a bit. Nothing major, but something minor like disorderly conduct? I could totally see that. He’s nicknamed “The Lunatic Fringe,” mostly because he also doesn’t think things through. If Ambrose ever had even 12 percent of a plan, I’d be shocked.

But like Quill, he’s got a big heart, and is deeply wounded by betrayal. How long did it take Ambrose to forgive Seth Rollins? You can’t ignore the parallel of comedic personalities, either — Ambrose is a low key funny guy, and Star-Lord is practically a stand-up comic at times.

Gamora: Asuka

Gamora is a surgically enhanced killing machine. She’s exceptionally skilled in hand to hand combat, and anyone who goes up against her falls (except for that one time when Nebula kind of got the upper hand).

Asuka is a master striker, and is more skilled in a strike-based wrestling match than almost anyone in the company. To date, she’s only been beaten once, as well; besides that, she’s unstoppable.

Rocket Raccoon & Groot: Paul Heyman & Brock Lesnar

Not gonna lie, I originally envisioned Lesnar as Hawkeye: retired-is but still works part-time, spends the rest of his days off the grid with a family on a farm, and just is kind of grumpy about always getting called back to action.

But the chance to picture Brock as a regenerating tree who doesn’t really talk, and relies on a real fast-talking lunatic to be his mouthpiece was too good to pass up. Heyman is the only one who compares to Rocket’s patter.

Mantis: Dana Brooke

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Mantis is introduced as an empath. She can detect your feelings, and also sort of control them. So, if you’re sad, she can make you happy.

Is there anyone on the WWE roster who can accomplish that better than Dana Brooke? I mean, one look at her and my spirits are usually lifted. She’s infectiously happy, even when she’s probably supposed to look imposing. And as the statistician/hype woman for Titus Worldwide, she almost functions the same way Mantis did to Ego before everything went down.

Drax: Batista

Because, well, duh.