WWE Raw: Results, Highlights, Analysis, and Grades for May 28

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Quick, Get Out of Dodge!

Scared for his life after near death via ladder, Kevin Owens wisely tries to flee the arena. I almost feel bad for that poor valet kid, he’s just trying to do his job, man. But while Owens is waiting for his keys for that “gray car over there,” Kurt Angle puts an end to his retreat.

KO’s excuse is lamer than “the dog ate my homework,” in Angle’s opinion. Why would he be leaving for a Memorial Day soiree if he’s Canadian? Plus, he’s got a match tonight against Bobby Roode, who was a little perturbed about the comments Owens made on guest commentary.

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True Renaissance Man

Elias is the best non-wrestling part of WWE Raw every week, and you can’t convince me otherwise. Maybe it’s because, as a musician and theater technician, I’ve dealt with artists like him with far too much regularity. When Elias asked for the lighting change, I had a flashback to a singer who waited until five minutes before his performance to tell me he hated the lighting cues I was using, and wanted “more pink” in the lights.

Literally the only bad thing about the segment is that it seemed like the creative team ran out of ideas. Like, they wrote a beginning, and fleshed out the middle, and forgot about the ending. I call it “Saturday Night Live Syndrome,” because a ton of sketches on that show suffer the same problem. If you’re recording a song, you can get away with no ending by doing a fadeout. With live theater, it just seems awkward.

Especially when the segment is still going on after the commercial break, with no changes. Hey, if this leads to Elias vs. Rollins at Money in the Bank, sign me up!