WWE Raw: Results, Highlights, and Grades for July 9, 2018

PHoto Source: WWE.com via Twitter

I’m Not Your Guy, Friend

The first four minutes of Raw were basically that old South Park gag with Terrence and Philip. You know, every other word is “guy,” “friend,” or “buddy.”

To recap, there’s a video package about Roman Reigns being an elitist, entitled, egotistical babyface who should be the Universal Champion, but he couldn’t get the job done like a dozen times already. Then, it’s more revisionist history as WWE doubles down on “Bobby Lashley main evented WrestleMania!”

Backstage, Lashley and Reigns cross paths, and Bob dares Roman to call him out. That’s a bold move, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off. Never one to back down from a challenge, the Big Dog plows through the (well-deserved at this point) boos from the Boston crowd to do just that.

Then we get to WWE’s version of handing in a term paper with too-wide margins and too-large font — the locker room clearing, pull apart brawl. Even if it’s very clearly a way to get around not having enough of a story booked before a pay per view, having the entire male roster fighting each other is a hell of a way to close out a go-home show.

Wait, this is the opening segment? GUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It’s fine, if backwards. Bob gets blown up, Curtis Axel gets punched in the head, and Roman busts out his admittedly impressive dive to the outside. But despite all that, I’m no more interested in the Lashley/Reigns match than I was before the segment. If the Extreme Rules match was for a shot at the Universal Championship (hahahaha), then there’d at least be something to fight for.

Instead? These two are fighting because their fee fees got hurt by the other. And it’s probably going to main event, and yeah it’ll be good, but it won’t be good.