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WWE: Ashley Massaro died from depression, and we need to talk about it

By Patches Chance

Ashley Massaro during Ashley Massaro Autographs the April Issue of "Playboy" at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square at Virgin Megastore Times Square in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by George Napolitano/FilmMagic)
Ashley Massaro during Ashley Massaro Autographs the April Issue of "Playboy" at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square at Virgin Megastore Times Square in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by George Napolitano/FilmMagic) /
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News broke last week of former WWE superstar Ashley Massaro’s death, and now it’s being reported that she committed suicide. Massaro’s struggles, and the deadly consequences they had for her, remind us not only to appreciate the life she had but talk to each other about the seriousness of mental illness for ourselves, our friends, and our families.

When news broke that former WWE superstar Ashley Massaro had died at only the age of 39, there was a resounding response from her fans and peers alike. Love for Ashley Massaro and condolences for her family poured out from every direction.

Former colleagues shared stories of how helpful she had been to them or how great of a friend she was. Fans shared stories of how she inspired them and helped them fall in love with the wrestling industry so many of us are drawn to.

Unfortunately, there was an unspoken undercurrent to all of that love and support. While there was no word on a cause of death, Ashley Massaro dying at only the age of 39 seemed to point to a circumstance that’s become all too common both inside and outside of wrestling.

The story even got ahead of itself, with multiple outlets prematurely reporting her death as a suicide due to a fake Facebook account appearing to belong to a friend of Massaro’s. Unfortunately, when the dust finally settled, things appeared exactly as many of us had feared.

According to reporting by TMZ, Ashley Massaro died by hanging. However, and I cannot stress this enough, that was merely the manner of her death. Hanging, or suicide, was not the cause of her death.

Sadly, depression was what killed Ashley Massaro, and that’s something we can’t and shouldn’t brush aside. All too often, depression, mental illness, and suicide get avoided as topics because it makes some people uncomfortable.

As someone who lives daily with depression and anxiety, these aren’t avoidable things. Talking about it might feel uncomfortable at first, but people need to realize they likely have friends and family struggling with mental illness who can’t simply ignore these issues.

The timing of Massaro’s passing is especially poignant because May is Mental Health Awareness Month in the United States. It has been recognized since 1949, and has managed to gain extra visibility in the age of social media where more and more people have felt empowered to speak openly about their own struggles.

It’s all too easy for someone who has never experienced mental illness to think it’s an uncommon circumstance that they don’t need to think about. That’s just not the case. According to NAMI, one in five adults in America experience mental illness.

You certainly know more than five people, and chances are at least one of five that come to mind are struggling with some form of mental illness. Anxiety disorders affect over 18% of Americans, major depression affects nearly 7% of Americans, and patients can often experience symptoms of more than one disorder, making everyone’s experience and struggle unique.

As referenced above, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. That’s far from rare, and the most tragic part of all of this is that mental illness is absolutely treatable. Perhaps no other cause of death is more preventable than suicide.

Ashley Massaro has reportedly struggled with depression since at least 2017, but those struggles likely began years before that. After news of her death began to spread, we heard an all too familiar response from many of her former colleagues.

We often hear some form of “they seemed so happy” or “don’t be afraid to reach out” or “I didn’t see this coming.” Here are just two examples of similar sentiments from her colleagues.

I want to be clear, there is nothing at all wrong with these reactions. They are heartfelt comments from those who knew her. However, there’s an important distinction in comments like “don’t be afraid to reach out.” They inadvertently put the burden on those struggling, when friends and family can be a tremendous help by taking that step themselves.

I know from my own experiences that depression and anxiety can be incredibly isolating. No matter how much logic you throw at the feelings that begin to overwhelm you, sometimes you just can’t help the things your brain is thinking.

It’s all too easy to convince yourself that reaching out won’t help. Your friends won’t understand. They won’t take you seriously. Depression and anxiety love to convince you that you’re beyond saving, no one cares, and reaching out would only result in embarrassment.

That embarrassment stems from the stigma often associated with mental health. Destroying that stigma is one of the goals of Mental Health Awareness Month, and something many who speak out about mental illness try to emphasize.

One of the most vocal people in professional wrestling about their struggles with mental illness is current NXT play-by-play commentator Mauro Ranallo. In a documentary called “Bipolar Rock ‘n’ Roller” on Showtime around this time last year, Ranallo was incredibly vulnerable and candid about his struggles.

This tweet is just one small example of how Ranallo tries to help “smash stigma” to make it easier for mental illness to be discussed by those who struggle with it.

https://twitter.com/mauroranallo/status/1130872987601649665

One of the most powerful ways to tackle stigma is to openly ask your friends and family about their mental health. Some people are often afraid that asking could worsen things, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Even if a friend or family member doesn’t immediately open up, simply knowing someone cared enough to check on them can have a dramatic impact. Don’t wait for someone to reach out. If you care about someone, reach out to them first.

This is even more important when it comes to suicide. Contrary to anything you’ve heard or believed, asking someone about suicide or if they’ve thought about killing themselves is not going to make them commit suicide.

In the past, I worked as an emergency dispatcher and have taken calls from someone in crisis who was considering suicide. We were trained not to avoid this or skirt around the issue, but to be direct.

The NIMH has developed a standard set of four screening questions to determine if someone is at risk for suicide. These four yes or no questions, referred to as ASQ (Ask Suicide-Screening Questions), are as follows.

  1. In the past few weeks, have you wished you were dead?
  2. In the past few weeks, have you felt that you or your family would be better off if you were dead?
  3. In the past week, have you been having thoughts about killing yourself?
  4. Have you ever tried to kill yourself? (If yes, how and when?)
  5. If the patient answers yes to any of the first four questions, ask the following: Are you having thoughts of killing yourself right now? (If yes, please describe.)

These questions might make you squirm, and asking specifics might seem like none of your business, but being able to ask someone these questions can literally be the difference between life and death.

If you speak to a family member or friend and they answer yes to any of these questions, talk to them about seeking medical help. If things seem especially dire, call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room.

I’m sure some may be thinking “what if they lie,” but there’s something important about that too. Even if someone isn’t ready to talk about their mental health struggles with you, asking about them won’t make things worse.

If someone has been considering suicide, you ask them about it, and they deny it, they still know that you cared enough to check on them. Ashley Massaro’s death was caused by her depression, and unfortunately it could have been prevented.

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While today we should look back on the amazing impact she made during her 39 years in this world and celebrate it, we also have the face the fact that she’s far from the only person going through some of these struggles. We have to tackle stigma head-on and make the leap to check on those we care about.

If you are struggling with mental illness of any kind, please reach out to someone. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to a close friend or family member, you have several other options to seek help. Here are just a few.

I put these options here for anyone struggling who feels like they can’t turn to those around them, but I want to speak one last time to the friends and family of those struggling. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Reach out to those you love and care about now. Check on them, and ask directly about their mental health. They need to know that you care. Show them.

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