WWE SmackDown Smacks/Downs: Celebrating 25 years of forced mediocrity

Smack (partially): more self-aware than I expected

Down (mostly): too long, too forced, too…Triple H

Leave it to Triple H to take up the last 25 minutes of the show to celebrate his 25 years. After all, this is a man who seems to average about three hours per match.

I kid.

Still, when I saw it was 6:35 (I live in Seattle) heading into the main event segment, I couldn’t help but laugh as I shook my head.

Credit where credit is due: I was rather surprised at how self-aware HHH and Shawn Michaels were in regards to the former’s career. They showed highlights of the terrible Hunter Hearst Helmsley character, his transition to DX, his return from injury in 2002, and more.

I laughed when they highlighted his 13 losses at WrestleMania (the most in history).

That said, everything else about the segment was unnecessary, much like the last 25 minutes of a Triple H match.

I wasn’t quite sure what to expect for the overall celebration (WWE is notoriously vague in these situations), and was hoping for something more akin to a roast. Instead, we received two old men talking about “the good ol’ days” while jabbing each other with petty insults.

Riveting.

We also had the appearance of Vince McMahon who one might think would have the understanding that showing his face on television after the events of last week is, as we say, not a good look. Still, there he was trying to play The Dozens with a former superstar and his son-in-law.

It was…not good.

HBK went from charismatic “Mr. WrestleMania” to that trying-to-be-too-goofy uncle that everyone in the family is embarrassed to have at a family function. His best moment came in highlighting the absurdity of having this celebration when he asked, “Remember my 25-year celebration?” He didn’t have one.

This brings me to the crux of why this segment was unnecessary. As I stated earlier, it was much too long particularly considering the format they decided to utilize in having two people talk back-and-forth for most of the segment. If we had wrestlers from the past out to rib Triple H one-by-one, that would have made for a much better, faster-paced segment.

Further, why not use these last 25 minutes to, I don’t know, actually highlight the wrestlers currently on the roster, particularly those without as much name recognition and/or who the company sees as having star potential?

(This is an issue I’ve had with what appears to be a four-part series on Jeff Hardy that ends next week.)

Let’s also be clear: his best matches weren’t necessarily because he was involved. When your opponents in your greatest feuds are The Rock, HBK, Mick Foley/Cactus Jack, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena (yes, even Cena), then of course your matches will be memorable.

I will give him credit for helping make Batista a star.

That aside, I will never forgive the build and match he had with Booker T at WrestleMania XIX in Seattle. That encapsulated the entirety of HHH’s career: keeping himself on top at the expense of others.

This really was your standard, tried-and-true Triple H segment: overly long, lots of dead time, and overall, unnecessary. Those 25 minutes could have been used much better with a match(es) or highlighting other wrestlers.