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Plan B: What If These Five WWE Superstars Were Fired?

By Evan Wecksell

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Zack Ryder – Airline Pilot

Are you serious, bro? Long Island Iced Z may get the heave-ho? Zack Ryder may have been the only WWE superstar ever to get himself over with the WWE Universe with a backstage push. After breaking onto the scene with Curt Hawkins as a pair of Edge’s lackeys, Ryder eventually went his home. At first, it seemed like Ryder would never get an honest shot. Thankfully, Zack Attack figured out how to win the Internet with his hit web series, Z! True Long Island Story.

All of a sudden, crowds everywhere were chanting “We want Ryder!” The web series was beautifully stupid as hundreds of thousands of Broskis were hooked. WWE had no choice, but to not only give him airtime, but also award him with the US Championship! Unfortunately, the simple Broski-ness of Ryder’s character, which helped get him over, lacked the depth to sustain him. When the WWWYKIs ran their course, there was no step two. Unfortunately without a step 2, Zack Ryder may have to ‘ReZort’ to Plan B.

Zack Ryder’s “Just Take Care, Spike Your Hair” attitude would be airline pilot gold. During airport rush hour, Ryder could announce to his passengers these gems:

“Ladies and gentleman, are you serious, bro? We’re number 10 for departure? Not cool.”
“We are cleared for take-off. Sick!”
“If you look out to the left, you’ll see Mulcahy’s Pub and my favorite Gold’s Gym.”
“Please enjoy our inflight entertainment: the entire series of Saved by the Bell.”
(If flying for Jetblue) “Blue! Blue! Blue! You Know It!”

Someone get this man his pilot’s license!

Evan Wecksell is touring comedian who has appeared on VH1, E! and Conan. Follow him @evanwecksell and like his WWE-sanctioned child Beckett Sage.

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