WWE Raw: Results, Highlights, Analysis, and Grades for May 28

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Curtis Axel is a Man For No Seasons

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If we were to put terrible segments on a sliding scale from “so bad it’s good” to “Lashley Sisters”, this one is the complete opposite end of “Bayley: This is Your Life.” It’s been a long time since I laughed so hard I spit all over my computer screen, but that streak is over.

Let’s take a look at all the things that we had in this segment:

• Rhyno’s gluttony once again acknowledged (some spray cheese would have been nice here, but a tray of bologna sandwiches will do just fine)
• BOTATO CHIPS AND BOTATO SALAD
• Curtis Axel not knowing who the Raw Tag Team Champions are
• Titus O’Neil and Apollo Crews listing the things that should be at a cookout
• NONE OF THIS FOOD IS SEASONED

I can’t talk about the brats they had, because they looked like the wurst.

https://twitter.com/WWE/status/1001291404990009344

Right up until the food fight, I was all for this, but as the terrible beans and potatao salad went everywhere, all I could think of was “If I was in the gauntlet match, I’d be really mad because the ring is going to be disgusting.”

And speaking of the gauntlet match, are we really giving the seven women less than a half hour? The men had a gauntlet match back in February that ate up two hours of the show! But back then, we didn’t need to put Rhyno through a table.

After the commercial break, the B-Team complains to Kurt Angle, who makes a Tag Team Battle Royal for next week to determine challengers for the Raw Tag Team Titles. Curtis Axel is so happy he hugs Angle, because messy hugs are the best, I guess.