Hell in a Cell Could Be the Worst Show of 2017

Based on the current card, Hell in a Cell could be WWE’s worst event of 2017. Why should fans be excited for matches they’ve already seen, especially when Shane McMahon is involved?

Since its inception, the Hell in a Cell match has been hit or miss, sometimes literally (e.g. Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man). It stands to reason that a show built entirely around a gimmick has inevitably featured contests which had no business being associated with the violence and gore of the steel structure after which the show is named.

This year’s HIAC features a number of matches that seem to have been thrown together either quickly or with very little storyline behind them. The worst offender in terms of making sense is Jinder Mahal vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. Mahal defeated Nakamura at SummerSlam who then somehow earned another title shot by defeating Mahal’s prior nemesis, Randy Orton, during a number one contender’s match on SmackDown.

Why were Orton and Nakamura (who have both lost to Mahal fairly recently) deemed worthy enough to jump to the front of the line and be granted yet another title match? There is zero logic here, like SpongeBob SquarePants taking a bath (which he regularly does) even though he lives in a pineapple under the sea. Your life is a lie, SpongeBob.

Rusev vs. Randy Orton is effectively a remake to the confusing start of their feud which has only been in existence since August. After a delayed arrival on SmackDown, Rusev issued an open challenge that was promptly answered by Orton. So far so good because sometimes an effective feud can be as simple as, “hey, does anyone wanna fight? Ok, that guy does.” That’s when things got weird.

The two men set up a match as SummerSlam and WWE promptly grabbed the steering wheel and jerked hard to the right. Instead of giving fans a solid 10-15 minutes of new and improved blue-brand Rusev, Orton got the victory in roughly 10 seconds. There was a palpable mixture of shock and disappointment as one of the most highly-touted matches on a stacked card was reduced to a squash.

Rusev would get his revenge on SmackDown by also beating Orton in just a few seconds because that’s how WWE hits the rest button, by making both men look equally incompetent and unprepared. Logically their second pay-per-view match should be at HIAC, right? This means either 31-year-old Rusev will go 1-1 against 37-year-old Orton or the Viper goes 2-0, neither of which means much for them going forward.

Arguably the worst match on the card is Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens. I know, I know, plenty of marks get excited for the Shane-O-Mac bump we all know is coming but for me, that’s exactly why this isn’t exciting. The entire match becomes about simply waiting to see which way Shane’s doughy frame will plummet from the top of the cell; the rest is just senseless filler. But there’s a more technical reason why this match will be terrible: it’s a lose/lose for Kevin Owens.

Because I’m a man of principle, I felt exactly the same way when Shane faced The Undertaker at the 2016 Hell in a Cell and when he faced AJ Styles at WrestleMania 33. My sentiments for both of those matches are exactly the same as those toward Shane’s impending endeavor against KO:

"“Vince McMahon loves gimmick matches, which is exactly what this is and it frustrates me to no end. AJ Styles was one of the hardest working wrestlers in 2016 and his reward is a throwaway match against Shane. The implied feeling he wants us to have is a harken back to the days of Austin vs. McMahon which gave us some of the best segments of the Attitude Era, including some great in-ring work. That feud had deep roots that took months to develop and well-established lines highlighting the real-world tension between blue and white collar workers.”"

More from SmackDown

• Randy Orton signs with SmackDown to go after The Bloodline
• Potential Challengers for Roman Reigns before WrestleMania
• WWE SmackDown Predictions: AJ Styles Will Help Randy Orton
• WWE SmackDown Predictions: Street Profits Will Dethrone Judgment Day
• SmackDown reminded us of how pointless the brand split is

Shane’s match this weekend will represent his third since returning to the WWE in February 2016 after a nearly seven-year hiatus. His two previous matches both resulted in losses – as they should have – and this one should be no different. If KO wins, he beat a part-timer who isn’t a good wrestler; it’s the equivalent of beating James Ellsworth. If KO loses, the same explanation applies but it’s even worse.

I won’t run down the rest of the card because like a teenage white girl when Starbucks runs out of PSL, “I can’t even”. Not only that, but HIAC is filled with matches that seem to be reruns of things we have seen before. Yes, I love New Day, but how many more times can I watch them wrestle the Usos? Have all the other tag teams been recruited by Breezango to help them solve mysteries?

Related Story: WWE Rumors: Kevin Owens Moving To Raw?

As with so many WWE events in the post-draft era, HIAC is less about the storylines being told in the individual matches and more about putting a check in the box for this brand’s monthly pay-per-view. I will always hope for a good show because these men and women are more than capable of delivering, but this year’s event has a steep fence to climb.