WWE Fastlane 2018: Shane McMahon is the Ross Geller of SmackDown
By Bryan Heaton
Ross Geller, the character from Friends, is widely considered to be a terrible person. At WWE Fastlane 2018, Shane McMahon showed just how much like Ross he is.
Despite a lack of enthusiasm from fans heading into the event, WWE Fastlane 2018 was actually a pretty good show. Sure, the match results were mostly predictable. There was also very little that happened of any consequence. But the matches themselves were, for the most part, no worse than average.
The main event itself was a banger, too. In a six pack challenge for the WWE Championship, AJ Styles managed to outlast John Cena, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Baron Corbin, and Dolph Ziggler to retain the title. It was an impressive feat, since the match should have ended about ten minutes before Styles pinned Owens to end the match.
Shane McMahon, SmackDown’s Commissioner, sat himself at ringside for the match, making him a living, breathing Chekhov’s Gun. While Sami Zayn berated McMahon for the trials he’s subjected Zayn and Owens to over the past few months, Owens loaded up a superkick for Zayn. Sami moved, and the kick caught Shane square on the jaw.
Moments later, Owens hit Ziggler with a pop up powerbomb, and looked to have the three count secured – but petulant child McMahon pulled the referee out of the ring to break up the pin. When Zayn hit Owens with a Helluva Kick amidst the confusion, Zayn’s pin was broken up when Shane pulled Sami out of the ring.
The worst part? When Shane joined Talking Smack to discuss his actions, he told Sam Roberts and Renee Young that it was okay because he “was provoked.” And when I heard that, all I could hear in my head was “We were on a break!” Such a terrible justification for terrible behavior like that has only come from one other character in television – Ross Geller.
Played by David Schwimmer on the hit 90s sitcom Friends, Ross was quite literally the worst person who ever lived. There’s no shortage of evidence of just how awful Ross is. And after Fastlane and Talking Smack, I can’t stop seeing the parallels between Shane and Ross. They’ve been staring me in the face for the longest time, I just couldn’t make the connection.
Take the time we find out Ross started an “I Hate Rachel Green” Club in high school because his crush Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) didn’t like him. That kind of petty, vindictive behavior would be akin to ruining the careers of two superstars on your professional wrestling show just because they did something you didn’t like!
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Or how about the way Ross is super condescending to his supposed friends, just because he thinks he’s smarter than they are? Doesn’t that sound a bit like an authority figure who shuns his partner/general manager and his ideas because they’re not as good as his own? Or maybe the general manager doesn’t agree with the way certain wrestlers are being treated, and “Ross” completely dismisses the opinion?
How about the way Ross makes everything about himself? He joked at Monica and Chandler’s wedding that Chandler “got it right the first time” after he said Monica’s name, because Ross is the only idiot in the history of the world to say the wrong girl’s name when he’s marrying her. That’s clearly the best time to remind everyone that you’re a complete dolt. What about the fact that he leaves his own daughter’s first birthday party – not to do anything for the party, but to rescue Rachel? (Yes, Ross is so bad he managed to convince Rachel it was a good idea to leave her daughter’s birthday party instead of sending someone else.)
You know who else makes things all about himself? Shane McMahon. Who was the captain of the SmackDown Survivor Series team – two years in a row? Who booked himself into a Hell in a Cell match against Kevin Owens, despite there not really being a great reason for it? And how many times has Shane interjected himself into a match or argument he had no business being a part of, commissioner or not?
Next: WWE Fastlane 2018: Review
Folks, let’s face it: Shane McMahon is no better than the worst character in television history. With any luck, he can PIVOT away from this trajectory. But at WWE Fastlane 2018, McMahon proved he’s a terrible human being, just like Ross. Maybe he’ll get a pet monkey?